~28 years old, returning to college, feeling out of place and left behind
Hi everyone,
I began my college journey at just 19, and back then, school felt fairly manageable. I guess I thought I was just smart—or “gifted,” as my teachers would say, despite my easily distracted nature.
During my first two years, I fell into some serious issues that derailed my early twenties (it involved substance use, though I’d rather not get into the specifics). The resulting feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction—from the supportive structure of high school to struggling with early college courses—eventually led me to drop out for about two years.
When I returned two years ago, I was hit hard by the reality that I could no longer navigate this alone. I realized I was easily distracted, irritable, and prone to procrastination. I can achieve good grades when I focus, but keeping my attention on tasks has proven challenging. After seeing a psychologist and several psychiatrists, I was diagnosed with ADHD(-C). I’m currently on medication, which helps along with therapy, but I’m aware this isn’t the right forum for that discussion.
Currently, I’m majoring in economics, a subject that interests me, but after nearly 7 years in school, I’m feeling burnt out. Although I enjoy some topics, I’ve already covered most of the material. I’m just two classes away from graduation—X (this term) and Y (next term)—and the sunk cost fallacy makes me hesitant to quit.
The subject Y, in particular, feels overwhelming and daunting for various reasons I won’t get into.
College is tough. Aside from mental health challenges, my parents are aging, and although I have a partner I see regularly, I don’t have a place of my own. I often feel like I can’t measure up, like my shoes are too big to fill.
It’s also hard to motivate myself to study. I have a final exam on March 12 for a less demanding module and a retake on April 26, but I’m exhausted. Deep down, I realize I’ve always wanted to positively impact people’s lives, but I’ve been steered toward paths that chase financial success instead.
I don’t enjoy macroeconomics; I find joy in fiction, music, math (even if I’m not great at it), films, and exercise. Yet, it feels too late to change direction now. The only way out of this degree seems to be graduating or facing the three-strikes rule, which would lead to my dismissal from the university.
Sorry if this seems like a ramble; I’m slowly learning what it means to be an adult. My back aches from all the time spent staring at screens and books. Hyperfocus isn’t something I can just summon whenever I need it. My partner and family are supportive, but I still struggle to manage everything and add nuance to my situation.
P.S. On a positive note, my faculty has granted me 50% extra time for exams based on my official diagnosis and provided me with additional resources. However, I’m unsure how to proceed from here. I wanted to speak with my lecturer during office hours, but I hesitate to take up her time.
Hey there,
First off, I just want to say that it’s really brave of you to share your experiences and feelings. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and returning to college after everything you’ve faced can be incredibly daunting. It’s completely understandable to feel lost or out of place, especially when it feels like everyone else is moving ahead smoothly.
It’s great that you’re being proactive by seeking help through therapy and medication for your ADHD. That in itself is a big step, and it’s encouraging to hear that it’s helping you. Remind yourself that you’re not alone in this journey; many students face similar challenges, even if it seems like it’s not visible on the surface.
Your feelings of burnout and the weight of expectation can be overwhelming. It’s okay to feel tired and frustrated with the system, especially when your interests lie elsewhere. It sounds like you have a strong passion for helping others and creativity that lies outside of your current major. It might be worth exploring ways to integrate that passion into your studies or future career, even if it doesn’t seem possible right now.
Regarding your concerns about your final exams and your retake, consider breaking the tasks down into smaller, manageable goals. Instead of looking at it as one big mountain to climb, maybe focus on setting small study sessions for specific topics. And remember to take breaks to do the things you enjoy, like reading fiction or listening to music. Those moments of joy are vital for maintaining your motivation.
As for speaking with your lecturer, it’s perfectly fine to reach out and ask for help. Educators are there to support you, and they will likely appreciate your willingness to engage and seek clarity on difficult topics. You absolutely deserve that time and support, and it may provide you with the clarity you need for your studies.
Take things one day at a time, and know that it’s okay to be where you are right now. You’re doing better than you think, and with patience and perseverance, you will get through this. Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network—friends, your S.O., and family—because they genuinely want to help you.
You’ve faced tough challenges before, and you can keep moving forward, even if it feels slow at times. Stay strong, and remember that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
Wishing you all the best!