Am I in the wrong or is it my school?
I’m sorry for the length of this post, but I really need to share my experience.
I started attending a Catholic school just three weeks ago. It’s an old institution that’s well-respected in my community. Initially, I didn’t plan to enroll here, but I had to switch schools because my previous one was too far away — this one was the best option nearby. My twin sister and I had an interview with the school counselor last year, and since we are both good students, we thought getting in would be easy. The counselor informed us about the school’s Catholic focus and various activities, and we expressed our willingness to participate, as we were eager to learn more about it.
Fast forward to the first week of school, and we learned about one of the rules: all girls must tie their hair up. We have short curly hair and had asked a friend about this rule beforehand. She reassured us that it likely wouldn’t be an issue since our hair is short, and we could say it would get damaged if tied up. Not wanting to comply with a rule we find unreasonable, we told our teacher we planned to cut our hair even shorter over the weekend. Despite this, teachers kept reminding us of the rule, and when we cut our hair, they still insisted it wasn’t sufficient. After some negotiation, we agreed to use bobby pins and a headband, but it was still deemed “not enough.”
The second issue is our so-called “difficulty integrating into the class.” Both my sister and I are introverted, and as many teens do, we struggle with socializing. We noticed the school offers a class filled with icebreaker activities, something we hadn’t encountered in our previous schools. On the first day, we hesitated to participate, which led the counselor to call us in for a chat. I admitted that I had trouble finding common ground with classmates, and she responded by labeling our attitude as a “problem.” I was stunned; we were simply trying to acclimate to a new environment. She insisted we need to integrate and warned that our grades would suffer without participation. I tried to explain our social anxiety, but she dismissed my feelings, which was incredibly frustrating.
Later that day, our mom was called to the school due to our hair, our apparent refusal to participate, and the fact that we were passing notes to each other. It blew up when our mom was told about our behavior in class, including a misinterpretation of a comment I made about feeling like a burden to others. Our mom felt mortified and decided to take away our phones until we “improved.” Although I understood her frustration, it felt unjust, especially since I was just trying to express myself.
Despite our efforts to adjust, including wearing bobby pins and participating more actively, the counselor told our mom we still showed no desire to engage and that our grades would suffer as a result. A classmate even confirmed that accusations about not reading in class were untrue.
The situation escalated further during dance class, where we were sent to the headmistress’s office because of our perceived lack of engagement. She scolded us for our previous issues and commented that the rules apply regardless of personal beliefs. It felt unclear why we were being targeted, especially since other students with more disruptive behavior go unpunished. Our prior headmistress had praised us for our behavior, yet here, we were treated as if we were causing significant problems.
Throughout this ordeal, I can’t help but wonder: am I the one in the wrong, or is my school failing to recognize and accommodate the reality of introversion and individual needs? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
It sounds like you’re going through a really tough situation and experiencing a lot of frustration with your new school. It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed and confused when faced with such strict rules, especially when you’re still trying to adjust to a new environment.
From what you’ve shared, it seems like you and your sister are trying your best to follow the school’s rules and participate in class despite feeling uncomfortable with some of those requirements. Your feelings about your hair and the way the school has handled your participation show that you’re trying to navigate a complex situation. It’s frustrating when the rules don’t seem to take into account individual differences or needs, and being held to standards that don’t feel fair can be really disheartening.
It’s also important to recognize that adjusting to a new school can be challenging, especially if you’re naturally introverted. It seems like the school may not be fully understanding your perspectives, and that can definitely create tension between you and the staff.
It’s clear you’re not alone in feeling that the school might be misjudging your behavior and not recognizing the effort you’re putting into adapting. Your mom’s reaction suggests that she sees the situation from your perspective and is upset about how you’re being treated.
At the end of the day, you deserve to be in an environment where you feel understood and respected. If you feel comfortable, it might be helpful to have an open conversation with your parents about the issues you’ve been facing. They can advocate for you more effectively if they understand the full context of your experience.
Ultimately, while it’s important to understand and respect the school’s rules, it’s equally essential for schools to foster an inclusive environment that accommodates different personalities and needs. You’re not wrong for wanting to be heard and understood as you deal with these challenges.