It’s that time of year again—scheduling for classes as a freshman. My parents have given me one main directive: excel in challenging courses. On the surface, I appear to be doing well, juggling AP Human Geography, four honors classes, and Spanish 2, all while maintaining straight A’s. But a recent dream where I nearly stabbed my neck with a pencil over my struggles with a B in math has made me realize that my lifestyle is anything but healthy.
Coming from a permissive household, I’ve enjoyed a lot of freedom and support, but it’s left me feeling lazy and unmotivated. I can barely muster the energy to make my own meals on weekends, and post-school, I find myself glued to my desk for hours, drowning in homework. Honestly, my life feels pretty monochrome right now.
Earlier in the school year, I attempted to change my unbalanced lifestyle, but it never really took hold. I constantly berated myself for the tasks I hadn’t completed and the boxes I hadn’t checked off my endless to-do list. I thought I knew my passion and future career, but now I feel drained and uninspired, as schoolwork consumes all my energy. I can’t even keep up with the outlines assigned by my teacher.
By October, I began experiencing what I called burnout. I confided in my mom, telling her that the workload was overwhelming. I may have exaggerated a bit, but there was some truth to how I felt. The pressure to maintain good grades has become a source of pride for her rather than joy. I’m grateful for the sacrifices she makes for our family, but I can’t help feeling like a failure for not meeting her expectations. I longed for support, but it didn’t come.
So, I sucked it up and pushed through. After winter break, I had what felt like the most productive week ever. But, as my productivity waned, I clung to that week as proof that I was on the mend, telling myself, “I’m better now.” Here we are in February, and I find myself back in that same hole from October—falling behind in assignments, grappling with a B+ in math, and watching my grades slip further. My only real support is a close friend and a guidance counselor who often seems just as anxious as I am. Most days are fine, but moments like this remind me that I can’t ignore my issues.
And now… it’s time to think about scheduling. (I know, it took a while to get here.) I’ve been recommended for three honors classes and two APs, which should be similar to my current workload, with just a bit more challenge. I’m considering dropping the AP classes to stick with the honors courses so I can remain challenged without risking another burnout. I feel trapped, numb, and a bit obsessive, yet there’s a part of me that wants to push for harder classes. Any advice or suggestions?
It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot right now, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed, especially as a freshman dealing with the pressure of high expectations. It’s great that you’re reflecting on your situation and recognizing the impact it’s having on your mental health.
Dropping the AP classes and sticking with three honors courses seems like a reasonable decision if that will help you manage your workload and avoid burnout. It’s important to find a balance where you can challenge yourself academically without sacrificing your well-being. Remember, high school is not just about grades; it’s also about learning how to manage your time, stress, and responsibilities.
Consider exploring some strategies for managing your tasks and time more effectively. Perhaps breaking your assignments down into smaller, more manageable parts could help you avoid feeling overwhelmed. Setting specific goals for each study session might also create a sense of accomplishment without leading to burnout.
Additionally, it might be worth having another conversation with your mother about how you’re feeling. Sharing your thoughts on the pressure you’re experiencing could lead to a more supportive understanding between you two. If she sees how much this is affecting you, she may be able to adjust her expectations or offer more emotional support.
Also, remember that it’s okay to seek help beyond a close friend or a guidance counselor. Many schools offer resources, like peer tutoring or mental health support, which might be valuable to you.
Ultimately, it’s about finding what works best for you. Education is a journey, and you can still be successful while prioritizing your mental health. Good luck with your scheduling decisions, and remember it’s perfectly fine to do what is best for you!