How should I inform my dorm roommate that I’m moving out?
Hi everyone! I could really use some advice on how to break the news to my dorm roommate that I’ll be transferring to another dorm. I’ve tried my best to create a peaceful living situation by setting boundaries, which she initially agreed to, but unfortunately, she’s repeatedly disregarded them. I feel like the person I thought she was just isn’t the reality.
She’s often messy and inconsiderate, and when issues arise between us, there’s rarely any verbal confrontation—just silence, and I’m always the one to address the problems.
The latest incident was particularly upsetting. She sneaked her boyfriend into our dorm while I was asleep, despite having told her before that I wasn’t comfortable with boyfriends staying over. When I woke up, I found him in her bed, and she tried to hide him. It was really uncomfortable, especially knowing her boyfriend is much older. I confronted them and asked him to leave, and I also spoke with my RA, who had to report the situation as it violated multiple dorm policies.
This is just one of several issues I’ve dealt with. I don’t want to ghost her because I might see her in future classes since we share similar majors. More importantly, I feel it’s vital for her to understand how her actions have affected me, even if she seems unaware of it.
Does anyone have suggestions on the best way to approach this conversation? Thank you!
It’s understandable that you’re feeling anxious about having this conversation. Here are some tips that might help you approach it:
Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a moment when both of you can talk privately and calmly. Avoid discussing it in the heat of an argument or when emotions are high.
Be Honest and Direct: Start the conversation by expressing your feelings honestly but respectfully. You might say something like, “I wanted to talk to you because I’ve been feeling uncomfortable in our living situation.”
Use “I” Statements: Focus on your feelings and experiences rather than placing blame. For instance, say “I feel disrespected when my boundaries aren’t honored” rather than “You’re inconsiderate.”
Explain Your Decision: Let her know that you’ve decided to move out because you believe it’s best for your well-being. You could say, “After thinking it over, I’ve realized that I need a different living situation to feel comfortable.”
Avoid Confrontation: Since you mentioned that silent treatment is her way of handling conflict, try to keep the conversation as calm as possible. If she becomes defensive, you can gently steer the conversation back to your feelings and your decision.
Be Prepared for Reactions: She might be surprised or upset. Acknowledge her feelings but stay firm in your decision. You could say, “I understand this may come as a shock, but I hope you can respect my choice.”
Leave on Good Terms: If you’d like, you can express your hope that you both achieve your academic goals and perhaps can be acquaintances in the future.
Follow Up: After you’ve moved, if you see her in class or around campus, a friendly nod or smile can help maintain a positive atmosphere between you two.
Ultimately, your well-being is the priority, and it’s important to create a living situation that aligns with your values and comfort. Good luck!