I received a C on my quick write in school, and I’m a bit puzzled. I’m in 8th grade, and while my friends thought it was good, I would appreciate some insights on why I might have received that grade or an estimation of what I could do better.
Here’s my quick write:
Entering middle school opens the door to a variety of new experiences, some exciting and others a bit dull. One standout memory for me was the mile run. It wasn’t particularly entertaining or tedious; rather, it was a blend of hard work and deep satisfaction. Although I was familiar with pacers, I had never attempted a mile run before. While I didn’t have much experience with long-distance running, I hoped that my time on the swim team might help improve my performance. I wouldn’t call myself the most athletic student, but I felt I was on par with my peers.
Unfortunately, I arrived at school unprepared and completely unaware of the mile run. I was the only one in casual clothes, and a wave of panic hit me.
Wait, there’s a mile run?
As we left the gym for the field, our teacher began explaining the process. There were two groups, A and B, with Group A running first. I chose a good friend of mine as a partner and convinced him to be in the first group. When the whistle blew, the runners took off confidently. Watching them, I started to overestimate their pace as time went on. As the race continued and fatigue set in, the runners slowed down, but they quickly remained in a tight cluster. It was hard to gauge their individual speeds.
Are they still going as fast as they did at the start?
A knot formed in my stomach as I saw them running almost in sync. When Group A finished, most of their times ranged from 7 to 8 minutes, with a few faster runners coming in much lower. A whistle blew, signaling Group B to take their turn. Hesitantly, I made my way to the track, my self-confidence beginning to wane. Since the track was narrow, some students were able to position themselves at the front, while I opted to stay at the back, unsure of my capabilities.
Fweeeet! My legs kicked into action as we started the race. The faster kids surged ahead, and my group stayed closely together. I found the first lap easy and quick, but the challenge increased on the second lap. It became hard to breathe comfortably, and some of my classmates decided to walk for a bit. Suddenly, I realized I was ahead of several runners. Despite the creeping soreness in my calves, I reminded myself that overcoming challenges was the best way to succeed.
As the race continued, I pushed my limits. By the time I completed half the distance, I was close to the front, with only two people ahead of me. I knew the final two laps would be the hardest. My legs were burning, and despite the chilly weather, I was sweating. My mind battled with my will, urging me to stop and take a break. This was when my swim team stamina kicked in. I managed to keep a steady pace through the third lap, and as I entered the last lap, I found myself picking up speed.
With half a lap to go, I heard heavy footsteps behind me. A classmate was sprinting toward me, pushing me to work even harder, almost to the verge of cramping. I barreled toward the finish line, my calves on fire but feeling satisfied. I finished with a time of 6 minutes and 32 seconds, one of the fastest in the class and second overall. I received numerous compliments afterward. I learned that I had underestimated my resilience and discovered the importance of maintaining a positive mindset.
I hope this helps clarify my experience and prompts some feedback!
It sounds like you put a lot of effort and thought into your quick write! First off, it’s great that you had a positive experience and learned something about your abilities during the mile run. Your narrative has some strong elements, but let’s break down a few areas that might explain the C grade and offer suggestions for improvement.
Clarity and Focus: While your writing has a lot of details, some parts might be a bit confusing. For example, you jump between different ideas quickly. It could help to clearly separate your thoughts about the run itself, your feelings before and during the race, and the lessons you learned. Try using clear transitions to guide the reader through your experiences.
Structure: Consider organizing your quick write with a more definitive introduction, body, and conclusion. Start with a clear opening that introduces the main idea, follow with paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of your experience, and conclude by summarizing what you learned.
Word Choice and Conciseness: Some sentences are a bit wordy or could be more straightforward. For example, instead of saying, “soreness crept towards my calves,” you might say, “my calves started to hurt.” Aim for clearer and more precise language.
Grammar and Mechanics: Pay attention to punctuation and sentence structure. There are a few run-on sentences and places where commas could improve clarity. Proofreading for grammar and style can make your writing stronger.
Engagement: While you have some engaging moments, consider adding more emotional depth to your feelings throughout the experience. Where you felt surprised, apprehensive, or proud, try to elaborate more on those emotions to connect with your readers.
Overall, your quick write has a strong foundation with a personal story that many can relate to! With some revisions focused on clarity, structure, and grammar, you could definitely elevate your writing. Keep practicing, and don’t hesitate to seek feedback from your teachers or peers—they can offer valuable insights to help you improve!