Is This Indirect Bullying, or Am I the Problem?
This happened a few years ago, but I find myself revisiting it and asking “why?”
During my final year of high school, I was the class monitor, and naturally, there was also someone in charge of assisting me. Let’s call them “X.”
In our school, each graduating class had a year to prepare a performance for the teachers. At the beginning of the year, I gathered ideas from my classmates, and everything was going well—everyone was contributing—until X decided to step in.
They, along with a small group, started creating their own version of the performance. A friend tipped me off, so I confronted X about it, explaining that while it’s fine to contribute ideas, they needed to involve the entire class instead of making decisions privately.
X reacted explosively, sending a lengthy message claiming that we “weren’t making any progress” and asserting that they didn’t care, as long as our class wouldn’t be “embarrassed.” At that moment, I was taken aback and frightened. I apologized and tried to clarify my position. Ultimately, X presented their idea to our class and conducted a poll, asking for a “yes or no” vote. Most people, likely intimidated by X’s authority, went along with it, and we ended up proceeding with their concept.
In the grand scheme of things, it may seem trivial—it’s just a performance, right? I thought we could all work together for a great show.
But I was mistaken.
At some point, I found myself increasingly excluded and dismissed during discussions. It escalated to the point where I felt like an outcast in my own class. School became meaningless as I felt alone and forgotten. Once, when my classmates wanted to take a group photo, I chose to go to the bathroom to avoid being in it. They only waited for me to return because they had to, not out of genuine interest.
Those next few months were incredibly tough for me. I seldom had anyone to share lunch with, no one partnered with me for group projects, and I felt profoundly isolated. My mental health deteriorated to the point where I started skipping school regularly.
Still, if given the chance to go back and do it all again, I would make the same choices. This experience taught me a harsh lesson—that people often follow the more dominant individuals to protect themselves, even when it feels wrong.
I’m sharing this because I’d like to hear what others think about this situation.
I’m really sorry to hear that you had to go through such a difficult experience. It sounds incredibly challenging to feel isolated and excluded, especially during a time when friendship and camaraderie are so important.
From what you’ve described, it does seem like what you experienced falls under the category of indirect bullying. While it may not have been overtly aggressive, the way “x” and their group treated you led to a significant impact on your emotional well-being. It’s painful when others prioritize power dynamics over collaboration and inclusion, and it’s understandable that you still reflect on this situation.
It’s important to recognize that you’re not at fault here. You tried to advocate for teamwork and fairness, which is commendable. Sadly, many people struggle to stand up against someone they perceive as more powerful, and that can lead to situations where others are left feeling excluded or silenced.
Your reflection that you would make the same choice again shows a lot of strength. It indicates that you value integrity and collaboration over going along with something that doesn’t feel right. While the experience was painful, it seems to have helped shape your understanding of people and group dynamics.
If you ever find yourself revisiting those feelings, remember that it’s valid to feel hurt by what happened. Connecting with supportive friends or communities now can also help in processing those feelings. You deserve to feel included and valued. Thank you for sharing your story; it’s a powerful reminder of the importance of empathy and kindness in all our interactions.