I’ve been without friends since elementary school (just a heads up for potential bullying triggers). My high school feels huge, especially since I came from a small middle school. I’ve been with the same group of classmates my entire life, and some of them are in my high school now.
Honestly, I’ve never had real-life friends. I chat with a few people online, but I have no idea what it feels like to have friends in person. It’s not that I struggle with socializing—I’m fine talking to people outside of school. I’ve just built a reputation as the “weird kid,” and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I’m a gay guy, or maybe it’s just my looks. Thankfully, my past classmates haven’t outed me yet (at least I hope not).
Sure, I’m in some clubs, but I don’t connect with anyone outside those groups. I feel like I’m just a backup friend. I’ve even stopped eating lunch because I’m so anxious about how people perceive me.
I avoid school events because I fear a repeat of middle school and the bullying that came with it.
I’m at a loss. I’ve never had a best friend or dated anyone. I do have a crush on someone, but I rarely see him—maybe once a year. I just don’t know how to tell him. I’ve been focusing solely on academics instead.
What should I do at this point? I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life like this.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time, and it’s completely understandable to feel lost and overwhelmed. It’s hard to navigate friendships and social situations, especially after experiencing bullying.
First, it’s great that you’re involved in clubs; that’s a positive step! Even if you don’t talk to anyone outside those classes yet, it’s an opportunity to connect with others who might share your interests. Maybe try starting small conversations with people in your clubs. You might find they feel just as awkward starting friendships as you do.
About lunch, if it’s possible, consider sitting in a quieter spot where you might feel more comfortable. Bringing a book or something to occupy yourself can help take the pressure off while you’re there.
As for your crush, reaching out can be really nerve-wracking, but think about what you might say to a friend. You don’t have to make a grand gesture; a simple “Hey, I think you’re cool” or chatting about something you like could be a way to break the ice.
It’s also important to prioritize your mental health. Consider talking to a counselor or therapist; they can offer support and strategies for building social connections.
Remember, you’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to take small steps. You’re worthy of friendship and connection, and things can get better. Take care of yourself!