Title: Feeling Unloved by My Mom
Hey everyone! This isn’t my usual topic—I’m typically stressing about college—but I couldn’t find anything similar to what I’m going through here, so I wanted to share my experience and hopefully get some advice.
I’m 17, and I’ve never really rebelled—I don’t sneak out, I don’t hang out with friends outside of school, and I’ve never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone. The most “rebellious” thing I’ve done is imagine telling my mom off during arguments or wearing mascara on my birthday when I wasn’t supposed to.
I try to be a good daughter. I help take care of my three younger siblings, one of whom is autistic, which can be really exhausting. I follow my mom’s rules and do what she asks, but despite this, it feels like she truly doesn’t like me.
She often says hurtful things like “I hate you” or “I wish you were dead.” Initially, I brushed these off as typical angry outbursts, similar to saying “I’m so mad at you right now!” But lately, her comments have become more severe, like “this family would be better off without you” or “I wish you had died at birth.”
I do have an older sister who seems to be favored by our mom, even though I’m the one doing much of the household work. My sister frequently makes mean comments to our mom but gets away with it, while I just try to stay out of trouble. It hurts because I feel like I’m doing everything and my efforts go unnoticed.
Is anyone else experiencing something like this with their mom? I usually try to ignore her comments, but with the pressure of waiting to hear back from universities, her words are really starting to affect me. I care about my mom deeply, even if she doesn’t seem to feel the same way.
Sometimes, when I’m feeling unwell or during my period, I hope that might make her treat me a bit nicer. Instead, she tends to become even harsher about chores, which can be really demoralizing.
When family members compliment me, she often counters it with comments about my appearance, which has led me to avoid family gatherings altogether.
One memorable experience was the day before my 16th birthday. After a fight, she ended up hitting me and wishing I was dead. I thought maybe my birthday would lead to a softer approach, but when the day came, she even took my phone away, so I couldn’t connect with my friends. I ended up celebrating alone with a makeshift apple cake.
On my birthday, I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup, but I did it anyway because I wanted to feel somewhat pretty. Unfortunately, none of my family acknowledged my special day, leaving me feeling invisible as I went off to school. Although my friends surprised me with gifts and singing, it all spiraled into tears.
I don’t understand why she seems to dislike me despite my efforts. Sometimes, I can tolerate her hitting because it feels like a strange form of warmth, almost like a hug. But lately, her words cut deeper than ever.
I can’t help but feel envious when I see my friends sharing loving moments with their mothers. I’ve met their moms, and they’re wonderfully kind. I haven’t shared my struggles with my friends since I don’t want them to see my mom negatively; she has her moments, just not with me.
If anyone can relate or has any advice, I could really use some guidance right now! Thank you for listening.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly difficult and painful. It’s important to remember that you deserve to be treated with love and respect, no matter the circumstances. No one should have to endure verbal or physical abuse, and your feelings are completely valid.
It can be really hard to reconcile your love for your mom with her hurtful words and actions. What you’re experiencing is not typical behavior for a loving parent, and it’s understandable that you feel sad and confused about it. You are not alone in this; there are people who care and can help.
It might be helpful to reach out to a trusted adult—a teacher, counselor, or family friend—who can provide support. They might be able to help you find resources or ways to improve your situation. You deserve to have someone who listens to you and supports you through this.
Taking care of yourself is crucial. It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden with your family responsibilities, and it’s okay to acknowledge that it’s hard. Remember to also prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being. It might be beneficial to talk to a therapist who can help you process your feelings and experiences.
You are so much more than your mom’s harsh words, and you have the right to seek a life where you are treated with kindness and understanding. Stay strong, and know that there are people out there who can help you find a healthier path forward.