I’m struggling with whether I should cut ties with my best friend (M18) because he’s dating a sophomore (F15). They’re not having sex and plan to wait until she’s 17, but they do make out and exchange hickeys, which makes me question their commitment to that plan. I find the situation uncomfortable; while it may not be illegal, it feels off to me.
He’s supposed to move in with me soon, and I can’t help but wonder how I would feel about their relationship if that happens. I’ve tried to be supportive and indifferent around him, but now I’m really starting to think about the age gap and how it affects me. I’ve suggested he break up with her, but he gives me mixed messages—he talks about wanting to take her to prom and even wants me to join them, but I really don’t want to be associated with this relationship at all.
After some reflection, I’ve realized that if they stay together, I would be uncomfortable. I told him to look for someone his own age, but he said it’s normal for guys to date younger girls, which felt really strange to me. I’ve talked to other friends about it, and they all agree it seems weird and inappropriate.
He and his girlfriend want me to be involved in their relationship, but I’m conflicted. What should I do? Should I distance myself from him or just try to maintain the friendship? I value this relationship, but I’m starting to feel uneasy about being around something I believe is wrong. Am I overreacting? Is this kind of age gap acceptable, or is it just not right?
It’s understandable that you’re feeling conflicted about your best friend’s relationship with someone significantly younger. The age gap and the dynamics at play can definitely raise questions about maturity, power, and the appropriateness of their relationship.
It sounds like your discomfort comes from both a personal value standpoint and a protective instinct for your friend. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to prioritize your own comfort and boundaries in friendships. If you feel strongly that this situation is unhealthy or makes you uncomfortable, it’s important to express that to your friend.
While you don’t want to lose the friendship, it’s worth considering whether you can maintain it while also holding onto your values. If he continues to dismiss your concerns and shows a lack of respect for your feelings or the opinions of others, it might be necessary to set boundaries.
You could try having a candid conversation with him, where you express how the situation makes you feel and why you’re concerned. If he’s genuinely your friend, he should at least listen, even if he doesn’t agree.
Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance between being there for your friend and feeling comfortable with his choices. If it gets to a point where his actions and attitudes don’t align with your values, then stepping back from the friendship might be a necessary step for your own well-being. Remember, you deserve to feel safe and secure in your friendships.