The Same Girl: A Reflection
The same girl who, at age 3, was identified as gifted based on public school testing.
The same girl who, at 9, would lash out at herself with rulers when she struggled with questions, burdened by the weight of expectations for her future.
The same girl who, at 10, stayed up until 4 am every night, surviving on just two hours of sleep to prepare for what lay ahead.
The same girl who, at 11, would cry for five hours each day over financial worries (despite living in a seemingly secure household) that loomed over her future.
The same girl who, at 12, relied on 16 weak melatonin tablets daily, convinced that staying asleep was better than facing the world while awake.
The same girl who, at 13, would break down in tears over anything less than a 98% on her tests.
The same girl who, at 14, sacrificed her mental, social, and physical well-being in pursuit of an invitation to the honor society.
The same girl who’s now 15, sharing this reflection after being advised by her counselor to “try harder and I’ll stop feeling stressed.”
The same girl who feels lost, unsure of her future aspirations.
The same girl who continuously worries about a future that feels uncertain, questioning whether she’ll even be able to enjoy it.
Edit: I want to clarify some things, as my previous post came from a place of overwhelm and burnout.
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None of this will be included in my college essay; I doubt it serves any purpose, except to highlight my struggles with mental health at a young age.
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For those who commented with confusion—a week ago, my dad remarked, “What happened to you? You used to be so great,” and I replied, “I’m still the same girl.” I spun that into a metaphor reflecting on the pressures placed on young children, motivated by a mix of strong emotions. In hindsight, sharing my experiences wasn’t the best decision.
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Regarding the melatonin and sleep: My family has a relaxed view on sleep, as we’re all night owls—it’s just how we operate. I have easy access to melatonin because insomnia tends to run in my family, and since the pills are quite weak, I find myself taking quite a few to feel any effect.
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I’m aware that my experiences may seem concerning or alarming. This is more of a self-reflection and a moment of empathy for my younger self who faced so much stress.
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While I haven’t pursued therapy yet, I do regularly attend school counseling for support.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so honestly. It’s clear that you’ve been carrying a heavy weight for a long time, and it’s completely valid to feel overwhelmed by the pressures you’ve faced. Childhood and adolescence are such formative periods, and it’s concerning to hear about the intense stress and expectations you experienced at such a young age.
Your reflections illustrate how societal pressures can impact mental health, and it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are real and deserve attention. I hope you continue to explore these feelings, whether through counseling or other forms of support. It’s so important to take care of yourself and find ways to navigate those expectations without losing sight of your own happiness and well-being.
If you’re feeling burnt out, perhaps taking a step back to prioritize self-care, even in small ways, could help. Remember, it’s okay to not have everything figured out and to take your time in understanding what you want for your future. You’re not alone in this, and recognizing that is a powerful step.