What Would You Do If You Were Forced to Sit Next to Someone You Can’t Stand in Class?
A friend of mine (25M) harbored a strong dislike for a Vietnamese song from his childhood, which inadvertently influenced his feelings toward a classmate. He recounted that this all began in the summer of 2010 when his parents introduced him to the Paris By Night 80 film. As the show neared its conclusion, a performer named Be Xuan Mai (now 30) sang a song titled “Lien Khuc Mua Xuan Oi.” Initially, he enjoyed it, but that enjoyment quickly turned into irritation.
On February 3, 2011, during a visit to the temple to celebrate Tet, he was thrilled to be there. However, as the event progressed, a girl from his elementary school—let’s call her Hien—began singing the very same song. Once he recognized her, his annoyance boiled over and he dashed out of the temple. He didn’t exhibit any aggressive behavior; instead, when he returned home, he simply told his parents that he had to leave because he could no longer tolerate the song.
Ironically, despite Hien being in his grade, he never actually knew her well. He could only vaguely recognize her from occasional sightings in school hallways, and until September of that year, he wasn’t fixated on her.
However, everything changed when he started a new grade and was assigned a different homeroom. To his dismay, he found himself seated next to Hien. His annoyance peaked, and he began asking his teacher if he could switch seats, but she refused. Even when his parents approached the principal to request a homeroom change, they were turned down. Unfortunately, this meant he was stuck sitting next to Hien for months, which only intensified his irritation.
He made several attempts to distance himself from Hien, but each time he did, the teacher would impose detentions on him, despite knowing the principal was already aware of his parents’ frustration with the situation.
It sounds like your friend is in a really tough situation. Being forced to sit next to someone he feels such strong animosity towards must be incredibly frustrating for him. Here are a few suggestions that might help him cope:
Focus on the Positive: Encourage him to try to find some redeeming qualities in Hien, even if it’s just a small, neutral aspect. Sometimes changing our perspective can help reduce negative feelings.
Mindfulness Techniques: When he feels overwhelmed, practicing mindfulness or breathing exercises can help him calm down and refocus his thoughts. This could make the situation feel less unbearable.
Minimize Interaction: If possible, remind him to keep interactions with Hien to a minimum. He doesn’t have to engage much if he doesn’t want to. Sometimes, just being in the same physical space doesn’t mean he has to acknowledge her.
Talk to Someone: It might be an idea for him to talk about his feelings with someone, whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or school counselor. Getting support can be really helpful.
Channel Energy into Schoolwork: Encourage him to focus on his academic work and extracurricular activities. Keeping busy might help distract him from his annoyance.
Seek Resolution: If his feelings are really intense, it might be worth discussing them with a trusted adult or school counselor who can provide more support or suggest a possible resolution.
Ultimately, trying to approach the situation with an open mind and finding constructive ways to cope might help him feel less burdened and more at ease in class.