I feel like I’ve really messed up my future.
Honestly, I’m not quite sure what I’ve been doing for the past few years. It’s not like I had friends distracting me from my studies or anything. I’ve been dealing with frequent headaches that make it hard for me to pay attention, causing me to zone out while waiting for the pain to pass. When I miss something in class, I don’t ask for help—I’m too scared. I struggle to speak up in class even now because of this underlying fear. Oddly enough, I can communicate just fine in other settings, but when it comes to school, I just freeze.
I think a lot of it stems from the high school I ended up attending. I was fortunate to get into a vocational high school, but my stepbrother (who’s just a week older than me) didn’t. This caused a lot of tension—my stepmom was upset with me for not helping him, upset with him for not getting in, and upset with my dad too. Freshman year was filled with constant arguments. I barely managed to pass, and my brother had it even worse, ultimately having to repeat the year. From then until the start of my junior year, it felt like my mom was a totally different person. I struggled to focus, retain information, and I was always dealing with headaches.
Last year, my parents divorced. I still don’t have friends, but I’ve noticed an improvement in school—likely because I’m more independent now. I see my dad once a week on Sundays since that’s his only day off. It seems I’ve made enough progress that some teachers are recommending me for AP and honors classes for next year. But now, I’m starting to feel a lack of motivation. My GPA took a hit during my first two years, and I worry that decent colleges won’t take me seriously. Even with a 1540 on the SAT, I feel like my efforts might be wasted.
Does anyone have any advice on what I should do next?
First of all, I want to acknowledge how tough the past few years have been for you. It sounds like you’ve faced a lot of challenges, both at home and at school, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and uncertain about your future. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to seek help and talk about what you’re going through.
Here are a few things to consider as you move forward:
Seek Support: It sounds like you’ve been carrying a heavy burden alone. If you haven’t already, consider talking to a school counselor or therapist who can provide support and guidance. They can help you work through your feelings and develop strategies for coping with your situation.
Focus on Improvement: It’s great to hear that you’ve started doing better in school! Focus on the progress you’ve made instead of the GPA you’ve accumulated. Improvement is what matters, and colleges will take notice of your upward trajectory, especially if you continue to excel in AP and honors courses.
Get Involved: Even if making friends is hard, try to get involved in school activities or clubs that interest you. This can be a way to meet people and find a sense of belonging without the pressure of socializing in a large group.
Stay Organized: With the new opportunities ahead, staying organized can help you manage your coursework better. Use planners or digital tools to keep track of assignments and deadlines to alleviate some of the stress.
Reframe Your Thinking: Instead of thinking about your GPA as a fixed number, try viewing it as part of your overall learning journey. Highlight your strengths, like your SAT score. Many colleges look at a range of factors beyond GPA, including test scores, recommendations, and personal statements.
Take One Step at a Time: It’s okay to be unsure about your future. Focus on your current goals and what you can control. You’ve shown resilience and the ability to improve, so take it one step at a time.
Reach Out: Consider connecting with teachers or mentors who have noticed your improvement. They can provide guidance, advice, and encouragement as you navigate these next steps.
Remember, you’re not alone in this, and it’s never too late to start shaping the future you want. Take pride in the strides you’ve made, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support when you need it. You’ve got this!