I’m really worried about my friend. One of my closest friends pushes herself incredibly hard, juggling over five clubs and taking all AP and honors classes. Outside of school, she’s involved in countless extracurricular activities—I’ve lost track of how many. On top of that, she manages to squeeze in just a couple of hours of sleep each night. It’s honestly astonishing that she’s functioning at all.
Her parents put immense pressure on her to achieve perfection, while they hold her younger sister to a much more relaxed standard. If my friend gets anything below a 90, it turns into a significant issue. I once had to comfort her after she received an 80 on an assignment because she felt it was the end of the world. She loves her parents; they are good people, but this one aspect of their expectations weighs heavily on her.
She has battled with suicidal thoughts in the past, and I can’t help but think that all this stress is detrimental to her mental health. Whenever we finally manage to hang out (which is rare because she’s always swamped with work), she opens up about her homework and grades. The idea of dropping any classes, even the ones that cause her great distress, is simply unthinkable for her. I’ve told her countless times that this isn’t healthy, but she doesn’t seem to grasp that.
I completely understand the desire to attend a top school and pursue a challenging career, but there comes a point when it’s too much. And unfortunately, I feel powerless to help my friend as she continues to push herself to the brink.
It sounds like you’re in a really tough position, and it’s clear that you care deeply about your friend’s well-being. It can be incredibly challenging to watch someone you love push themselves to their breaking point, especially when external pressures, like family expectations, are involved.
First, it’s important to validate your feelings and your friend’s situation. It’s not easy to balance those expectations, and it’s understandable that she feels overwhelmed. Your concern is completely justified, given her struggles with sleep and mental health.
One way you might be able to help is by encouraging her to seek support from a counselor or school therapist. Sometimes, talking to a professional can provide her with the tools she needs to manage stress and consider alternatives to her current situation. It might also be worth having a gentle conversation with her about prioritizing self-care and mental health, emphasizing that it’s okay to seek help.
You can continue being a supportive friend by checking in on her regularly and reminding her that it’s okay to take a step back and breathe. Let her know that grades and college expectations do not define her worth. Sometimes just having someone listen can make a huge difference.
Ultimately, while you can offer support and suggestions, she has to come to her own conclusions about what changes she wants to make. Just being there for her and showing that you care will mean a lot to her. You’ll have a positive influence on her even if it feels small right now.