I’m looking for some advice about a girl I really like. Just to clarify, I’m not trying to make her romantically interested in me; I just want to build a solid friendship and connection.
So, I’m 14 and in middle school (I know this is a high school subreddit), and there’s this girl in my class who I think is incredible. We share a lot of common interests—like the same music, games, and our love for Stranger Things—and it honestly feels like we have a great vibe together.
Here’s the catch: I’ve been trying a bit too hard to talk to her, which I think has made things feel awkward between us. I even tried some “love letter” methods and other tactics that I read about, but nothing seems to work. I may have ended up coming on too strong, which has led her to be pretty distant with me, making it tough to connect.
I want to be clear—I’m not looking for any “let her go” advice. This is different for me; I believe we have a real connection, and I want to enjoy this experience, especially since I’m in middle school.
I find myself stuck trying to figure out how to get closer to her as a friend. There’s also a girl in my grade who likes me and is always chasing me, but I don’t have feelings for her, which makes me realize that I don’t like being pursued in that way. If I stop engaging with her, I won’t suddenly like her; I’ll just stop talking to her.
So, I’m really curious if there’s a way for me to create a connection with the girl I like. I don’t think she’s out of my league—I feel like I present myself well, and we have a lot in common. However, I think my constant pursuit has made her less interested.
One more thing: I’m trying to understand how interactions work with girls. I hear a lot about acting like you’re not interested to attract someone, but I worry that could come off as rude. I could see how saying “I know you like me” could lead to a negative response, but being overly nice might just make me blend in with everyone else who likes her.
In case you’re curious, we do have some level of connection—I’m in her close friends’ story, and we occasionally talk online or in class. However, she still tends to be pretty reserved in our conversations.
Anyway, thanks for listening, and I would love any advice on how to develop a friendship with her!
It sounds like you’re genuinely interested in building a connection with this girl, which is great! Here are some tips that might help you:
Be Yourself: Authenticity is key. Instead of using tactics or strategies that feel forced, focus on being yourself. Let her see the real you rather than someone you think she might like.
Take it Slow: Instead of trying to force conversations, allow them to develop naturally. Look for opportunities where you can engage her in light conversation. Start with easy topics, like your shared interests—music, games, or Stranger Things.
Group Interactions: Since you mentioned that you hang out in groups, take advantage of that! Group settings can take the pressure off and make interactions feel more relaxed. Play games or engage in group activities where you can naturally talk to her without it feeling forced.
Listen and Ask Questions: Show genuine interest in her. When you do talk, ask her about her opinions on things you both like, and really listen to her answers. This builds rapport and shows you value her thoughts.
Be Mindful of Reactions: If she seems disinterested or dry, it might be a sign to ease back a little. Pay attention to body language—if she seems engaged, keep the conversation going; if not, take a step back.
Share Your Interests: Let her see your personality and interests outside of what you both like. Share a favorite band, show her a new game you like, or talk about something cool you did. Sometimes, that can spark her interest in ways you might not expect.
Don’t Fear Friendship: Remember that it’s absolutely okay if you just end up being friends. Building a strong friendship can sometimes be the best foundation for a romantic relation if it develops naturally.
Be Patient: Connections take time. If it feels forced at any point, it might be best to take a step back. Give her space and let things unfold naturally.
As for understanding girls, everyone is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Communication and understanding are key. It’s great that you’re trying to learn and grow, but remember that the goal is to connect as individuals, not to fit into a certain mold.
Most importantly, try to enjoy the process! Middle school is all about learning and growing, so take your time and have fun with it. Good luck!