Here’s a revised version of your post:
The same girl who, at age 3, was recognized for her giftedness through a public school assessment.
The same girl who, at 9, would hit herself with rulers when she got answers wrong, fearing for her future.
The same girl who, at 10, stayed up until 4 AM every night, surviving on just two hours of sleep while studying relentlessly for her future.
The same girl who, at 11, spent five hours crying daily over financial pressures (even though my family is relatively well-off) and her uncertain future.
The same girl who, at 12, was taking 16 weak melatonin tablets each day, preferring sleep over being awake.
The same girl who, at 13, would break down over any grade below 98%.
The same girl who, at 14, sacrificed her mental, social, and physical well-being just to earn an invitation to the honor society.
The same girl who, at 15, is sharing this now after being told by her counselor, “if you try harder, you won’t feel so stressed.”
The same girl who remains unsure of what she wants for her future.
The same girl who worries about a future she can’t be sure she will live long enough to enjoy.
Edit: I posted this when I was feeling really overwhelmed and burnt out, so I wanted to clarify a few things:
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None of this will be in my college essay. What would it show other than that I struggled mentally as a child?
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To those commenting “?”: I understand it might not be clear, but it stems from my emotional response to my dad’s comment: “What happened to you? You used to be so great.” I replied, “I’m still the same girl,” (this was a week ago), and I turned it into a metaphor about the pressures young kids face. I was feeling a mix of emotions and perhaps thought this reflection was clever, but sharing my struggles wasn’t the best idea.
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About the melatonin and sleep: My family doesn’t emphasize sleep, as we’re all night owls, and that’s normalized in our household. I have easy access to melatonin due to family history with insomnia. The ones I take are quite weak, and I need about 10 to feel any effect.
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I know this sounds concerning and perhaps irrational. It’s more a moment of self-reflection and sympathy for my younger self who faced all this stress.
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No therapy yet, but I do visit school counseling frequently.
Let me know if you’d like any further edits or adjustments!
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and it’s absolutely valid to share your experiences and feelings. The pressure to excel at such a young age can be overwhelming, and it’s understandable that you would feel burnt out and confused about your future.
It’s great that you’re seeking reflection on your past, as understanding these experiences is a crucial step toward healing and figuring out what you want moving forward. Remember, it’s okay to not have everything figured out, and it’s perfectly normal to feel lost sometimes, especially after facing such intense stress.
If you feel comfortable, consider finding a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate these feelings further. You deserve to feel supported and understood as you work through everything. It’s important to prioritize your mental health and well-being above all else. Take care of yourself, and continue being honest about your feelings—it’s a brave and important thing to do.