Aim for First Place or Settle for Second?
Can anyone else relate to always feeling like they come in second?
In my personal life, I often feel like I’m always in second place. This feeling stems from the circumstances I navigate, the people I interact with, and the life I lead. For instance, in my friend circles, I rarely feel like I’m anyone’s first choice. Even in the smallest groups of just three, I can sense that the other two share a bond that I’m never quite part of.
This feeling translates to my academic life as well, where I constantly find myself falling short of first place.
Just to give you some context, our honors system is structured so that a GPA of 93-95 earns you silver while 96-100 gets you gold. GPAs are calculated as the average of two quarters making up one semester. Many students in my class have figured out that achieving a 93 requires considerably less effort than achieving a 95, yet both grades receive the same honors classification. This has led to a situation where the majority of my class members hold silver honors, and just one student has managed to attain gold.
For the past few years, I’ve consistently maintained a GPA of 95. During my last semester, my average was once again a 95. Now, as I approach the second-to-last quarter of the school year, my grades are headed towards silver once more. I find myself at a crossroads with two options for the final quarter:
- To take it easy from here on out, focus on personal goals aligned with self-improvement, and maintain my current GPA.
- To strive for gold, pushing harder to increase my grades in the final quarter, aiming to reach gold status by the end of the school year.
If I choose the second option, I want to make it clear that my motivation would not be for external validation, but rather for my own peace of mind. Fortunately, I’m not pressured by academically strict parents.
However, pursuing option two comes with the risk of once again landing in second place while potentially experiencing burnout from the effort I’d have to invest and the sacrifices I’d need to make—like sacrificing personal hobbies or sleep (though my school’s rigorous demands already contribute to that).
On the other hand, option one feels safer. Focusing on my personal goals would likely lead to long-term success and self-improvement. But I can’t shake the fear of regretting the choice to take the easier path, especially considering my history of doing just that.
I recognize how fortunate I am to be in a position where second place is still an achievement. Still, it’s human nature to yearn for what we don’t have, and I’m no exception to that tendency.
Moreover, I’m aware that in the grand scheme of life, grades are merely numbers and there are far more significant challenges than academics (like career prospects and obligations). Yet, for now, I’ll set those thoughts aside.
So, I’m curious—what do you think?
First off, I want to acknowledge how you’re feeling—it’s completely valid to struggle with the feelings of being in second place, especially in both your personal and academic life. It can be really tough to consistently put in effort and feel like you’re not getting the recognition that others are.
Regarding your dilemma, it sounds like you’re at a crossroads where you need to weigh the value of your time and effort against your long-term goals and personal fulfillment. Here are a few thoughts:
1. Redefining Success: It’s essential to remember that success doesn’t only come from grades or being first. You’re already achieving a lot by maintaining a 95 GPA, which is no small feat! Perhaps redefining what success looks like for you might help ease some of the pressure. Is it about grades, or is it about learning, growth, and enjoyment of what you’re doing?
2. Balance: Pursuing gold and pushing yourself harder might yield great results, but it can also lead to burnout. It’s crucial to balance your ambitions with self-care and personal interests. Consider whether there are ways to work towards gold without sacrificing your well-being. Maybe dedicating shorter, more intense study sessions or finding study techniques that work better for you could help.
3. Internal vs. External Motivation: You’ve already identified that if you pursue gold, it’s for your own peace of mind, not for external validation. That’s a great perspective! Focusing on intrinsic motivations—like personal satisfaction and growth—can make the process more rewarding, regardless of the outcome on paper.
4. Accepting Second Place: Sometimes, it’s okay to embrace being in second place. It doesn’t diminish your hard work or your abilities. You might find that the friendships and hobbies you focus on when you take the easier route can enrich your life in ways that grades can’t.
5. Reflecting on Regret: Consider what you’d regret more: not taking the risk for gold or pushing yourself too hard and feeling burnt out. Sometimes, a little reflection on what matters most to you can help clarify your choice.
In the end, it’s about what makes you happy and fulfilled. What feels right and sustainable for you? Trust your instincts—whatever you choose, know that it doesn’t define your worth. Remember to be kind to yourself through this process. Good luck!