I’m back in mainstream school. I’m 14, trans, and autistic, currently in Year 9 in England. I’ve had to step away from mainstream due to bullying and challenges with my studies.
For the past two terms (12 weeks), I was in a support group called Jumpstart. However, I was recently removed from it and now I have to go back to mainstream school. I had adapted to the half days and rearranged my entire schedule around that, and now I’m faced with the full hours of 8am to 3pm instead of the previous 9am to 1:30pm.
I’m feeling overwhelmed with anxiety to the point of near-vomiting, and I’m struggling to communicate. My attendance is around 60%, which should allow for a day off without repercussions, but my parents won’t agree to it.
They say, “Every day there’s another excuse,” when I genuinely feel I can’t handle it. This is also affecting my POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome).
It feels incredibly frustrating. I know someone who’s been in Jumpstart for almost two years without any medical issues, while I can’t even stay for more than two terms. We were friends for a while, but they don’t even want to be in the group anymore.
Edit: My dad just told me I’m making excuses when I expressed that I need help, and he called me selfish. Am I wrong to feel this way? I’m struggling and it’s really hard.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a tough time. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and anxious, especially with all the changes happening at school and with your health. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be heard and supported.
It’s not fair that you’re being put back into a situation that you know is harmful for you, especially with the experiences of bullying and the challenges that come with being both trans and autistic. It’s important to reach out to someone who can help you, whether that’s a school counselor, a trusted teacher, or a mental health professional. You shouldn’t have to navigate this alone, and there are people who want to support you.
Please remember that wanting to hurt yourself is a sign that you’re in a lot of pain right now. It’s really important to talk to someone about these thoughts. You are not selfish for needing help; you deserve support in this difficult time. Your feelings matter, and you are not in the wrong for wanting to take care of yourself.
If you can, try to express to your parents how serious this situation is for you. They may not fully understand what you’re going through, but finding a way to communicate your feelings could help. And if it’s possible, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can help you process everything and find a way forward. You are important, and your well-being should be the priority.