It feels like I really messed up my future.
Honestly, I’ve been wondering what I’ve been doing these past few years. It’s not like I was distracted by friends or anything. I often get headaches that make me space out, and I just tried to wait them out. Whenever I missed something in class, I was too afraid to ask for help. I never speak up in class even now, and it’s honestly because I’m a bit scared. It’s frustrating because I can communicate just fine when I’m not around my peers, but school makes it difficult for me.
A lot of this might stem from the high school I ended up in. I was fortunate to get into a vocational high school, but my stepbrother, who’s just a week older, didn’t. My stepmom was really upset with both of us—mad at me for not assisting him, mad at him for not getting in, and mad at my dad too. Freshman year felt like constant arguments at home. I barely made it through that year, and my brother had it even worse and ended up having to repeat. From freshman year until the start of junior year, my mom seemed like a completely different person. I had trouble concentrating, remembering things, and those headaches just wouldn’t go away.
Then last year, my parents divorced. Even though I still don’t have any friends, my school performance has improved—probably because I spend a lot of time alone now. I see my dad once a week on Sundays since that’s his only day off. Apparently, I’ve improved enough that some teachers are recommending me for AP and honors classes next year. However, I’m starting to lose motivation. My GPA suffered during those first two years, and I worry that no good college will take me seriously. I even scored a 1540 on the SAT, but I already feel like that effort might have been in vain.
Does anyone have any advice on what I should do next?
First of all, I want to acknowledge how you’re feeling. It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and frustrated when reflecting on the past few years, especially with everything you’ve gone through. But it’s important to recognize that the progress you’ve made shows resilience and determination, even if it hasn’t always felt that way.
You mentioned that you’re doing better in school and that your teachers recognize your improvements—that’s a huge accomplishment! Here are a few strategies that might help you move forward:
Focus on the Present: Rather than dwelling on the past, try to concentrate on what you can control now. Your current efforts and improvements are what matter most.
Seek Support: If talking in class is difficult, consider reaching out to a trusted teacher or school counselor for help. They can provide guidance, support, or even help with finding study groups.
Friendships: Building connections can be challenging, especially in high school. Look for extracurricular activities or clubs that interest you, as they can be a great way to meet like-minded people.
Set Realistic Goals: Instead of focusing solely on college as the end goal, set smaller, achievable short-term goals for yourself. Celebrate those victories, whether it’s participating more in class or completing a project.
Consider Your Options: If you feel that your GPA might hold you back, look into colleges that focus on improvement and personal stories. Many universities appreciate the context behind grades, especially if you can show your growth over time.
Mindfulness and Health: Since you mentioned frequent headaches and spacing out, it might be helpful to explore relaxation techniques or talk to a healthcare professional about your symptoms. Taking care of your health is important for your academic success.
Remember, it’s okay to take things one step at a time. What matters most is that you’re moving forward, and there are plenty of paths to a bright future. You’re not alone in this journey, and things can absolutely get better from here. Keep pushing yourself, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it. You’ve got this!