I received a C on my quick write for school, and I’m a bit puzzled. I’m in 8th grade, and while my friends believed my piece was good, I’m hoping for some feedback or an estimate on my grade. Here’s what I wrote:
Once you enter middle school, you’ll encounter a variety of experiences, some entertaining and some not so much. One particular memory that stands out for me is the mile run. It wasn’t exciting or dull but rather a blend of hard work and genuine satisfaction. I was familiar with pacing but had no prior experience with mile runs. Though I wasn’t the most athletic, my time with the swim team helped me prepare.
Unfortunately, I showed up to school unprepared, having completely forgotten about the mile run. I was the only one in casual clothes, and a wave of shock washed over me.
Wait, there’s a mile run?
When the whole class walked from the gym to the field, our teacher explained the rules. We were split into two groups, A and B. I chose a good friend to run with, practically convincing him to run first. Fweeeet! The whistle blew, and the runners took off. They sprinted confidently, and I started to misjudge their pace as time went on. As fatigue set in, the runners began to slow, yet they remained close together, making it hard for me to gauge how they were doing.
Are they still going as fast as they did at the beginning?
I felt a knot in my stomach; they seemed almost synchronized. Once group A finished, most of their times fell between 7 and 8 minutes, while some of the fastest kids had even better times. With a whistle signaling group B to get ready, I started toward the track, my self-confidence waning. Due to the track’s limited width, some students went to the front while others fell to the back. I chose to position myself at the very back, unsure of my capabilities.
Fweeeet! As the race began, my calves activated immediately. My group and I started strong, with the faster kids quickly pulling ahead. The first lap felt easy, but the second lap brought challenges. I struggled to breathe comfortably, and some of my classmates opted for walk breaks. It was then that I realized I was leading the group. Despite the soreness creeping into my calves, I pushed through, determined to excel.
Having completed half of the race, I faced the hardest part: the last two laps. My legs felt heavy with fatigue, and even in the chilly weather, I was sweating. My heart urged me to slow down while my mind pushed me to keep going. This was when the stamina I built from swim practice really kicked in. I maintained my pace through the third lap, and by the final lap, I gradually increased my speed.
As I neared the end, I caught sight of a classmate sprinting to catch up behind me. This motivated me to dig deep, causing my calves to scream in protest as I pushed toward the finish line. I crossed it with a time of 6 minutes and 32 seconds, one of the fastest in my class, ranking 2nd overall. I received numerous compliments afterward. I realized I had underestimated my determination and that it’s always better to approach challenges with confidence rather than doubt.
It sounds like you put a lot of effort into your quick write, and I can see why your friends thought it was good! You have some strong descriptions and demonstrate a clear sense of progression in your experience during the mile run. However, I can understand why you received a C, and I’ll try to help you identify some reasons that could have contributed to that grade.
Organization and Structure: Your quick write has great content, but it could benefit from better organization. Make sure your paragraphs have clear topic sentences and a logical flow. You want to guide the reader through your thoughts more smoothly.
Clarity and Focus: At times, some sentences can be a bit convoluted or lengthy, making it hard for readers to follow your main idea. For example, breaking long sentences into shorter ones can enhance clarity. It’s important to maintain a strong focus on your main message throughout your piece.
Grammar and Mechanics: Watch out for minor grammatical errors, sentence fragments, and punctuation issues. For example, phrases like “for the crowd” or “the students kicked off” could be tightened up. Errors in spelling or word choice can distract from your message.
Descriptive Language: While your descriptions are vivid, they could be more concise. Show the emotion and feelings in a way that feels more engaging for the reader without over-explaining. Strive for a balance between detail and brevity.
Hook and Conclusion: Consider starting with a stronger hook to draw the reader in and wrapping up with a more impactful conclusion that reflects on what you learned from the experience. This can help leave a lasting impression.
Remember, getting feedback on your writing is a part of the learning process, and receiving a C doesn’t mean your writing isn’t valuable. It’s an opportunity to grow and improve. Keep practicing, and you’ll keep getting better! Don’t hesitate to ask your teacher for specific areas where you can improve, too.