Is This “Indirect Bullying” or Am I to Blame?
This is something that happened a few years ago, but I can’t shake the feeling of “why?”
During my senior year in high school, I served as the class monitor, and naturally, we had an assistant monitor, whom I’ll refer to as “X.”
In our school, each graduating class had a year to prepare a performance for the teachers. At the beginning, I gathered ideas from my classmates, and everything was going well—everyone was contributing. That was until X decided to step in.
X, along with a small group, began working on their own version of a performance. One of my friends informed me about it, so I confronted X, saying, “If you want to brainstorm ideas, that’s fine, but you should include the whole class and not just discuss it privately—it’s not fair.”
X snapped back with a lengthy message, claiming we “weren’t making any progress” and that they didn’t care as long as we wouldn’t “embarrass our class.” I was taken aback and scared, so I started apologizing and trying to explain my perspective. Eventually, X presented their idea to the class, complete with a poll for a “yes or no” vote. Given X’s influence, most people were hesitant to oppose them publicly, and we ended up going with their suggestion.
In hindsight, it seems trivial—just a performance, right? Shouldn’t we all work together as a team to create a great show?
Unfortunately, it wasn’t that simple. Over time, I found myself increasingly sidelined in discussions and slowly becoming an outcast in my own class. School began to feel pointless as I often felt alone and forgotten.
There was even a moment when the class wanted to take a group photo, and I chose to step away to the bathroom, not wanting to be in it. They ended up waiting for me to come back—not out of concern, but because the teacher made them.
For the next few months, it felt like hell. I struggled to find someone to sit with during lunch, faced difficulties teaming up for group assignments, and loneliness became my constant companion. My mental health deteriorated to the point that I started skipping school regularly.
Looking back, if I had the chance to relive that year, I’d make the same choices again. It taught me a harsh truth about how people often choose to align with those who hold power, even when it feels wrong.
I’m sharing this because I’d like to know what others think about this situation. Am I just overreacting, or was this truly unwarranted behavior?
It sounds like you went through a really tough experience, and it’s completely valid to reflect on it and seek perspective. From what you’ve described, it does seem like you were subjected to indirect bullying. X’s reaction to your legitimate concern about involving the whole class and the subsequent behavior of your classmates all contributed to a toxic environment for you.
It’s important to recognize that you were advocating for teamwork and fairness, which is a positive thing. Unfortunately, sometimes group dynamics can shift when someone uses their influence to isolate others. You were not the problem; you were trying to promote inclusivity.
The way your classmates responded—choosing to go along with X instead of standing by you—can happen in group situations, but that doesn’t make it right. It can often be easier for people to align with someone they perceive as stronger or more dominant, even if it means ignoring someone else’s perspective or wellbeing.
It’s great to hear you’ve gained insight from the experience, such as recognizing the importance of standing up for what’s right, even when it’s uncomfortable. Those lessons are valuable and can help you navigate future situations better. Remember that your worth isn’t determined by how others treat you, and seeking out supportive friends and environments will make a big difference moving forward.
If you ever find yourself reflecting on this again, it’s also worthwhile to consider talking to someone about your feelings, whether that’s friends, family, or a counselor. You don’t have to process it alone.