My $24k Scholarship Might Be Harming My Future
Hey everyone,
I’m a 19-year-old sophomore studying Chemical Engineering, and I’m at a major crossroads in my life right now. After failing my physics midterm (though I still have a C overall), I’m seriously considering dropping out. This semester has been incredibly tough, so I apologize for the length of this post.
To give you a bit of background, I received a scholarship covering almost all of my tuition for four years, a year of free housing, and an extra $500 per semester. Additionally, I got an external scholarship that provides $3000 each semester as long as I remain in engineering. However, I’ve faced a dangerous roommate situation that has severely impacted my academic performance, almost causing me to lose these scholarships. I ended up on probation last semester, managed to pull my GPA to a 3.2 after moving to a studio, but this semester my grades have plummeted to around a 1.25 (with an A in one class and F’s in two).
I’ve been battling issues such as waking up for an 8 AM in-person lecture after biking 7-15 minutes in frigid, often rainy or snowy weather, extreme burnout, undiagnosed mental health challenges that have worsened in college, social anxiety, insomnia (the only time I get sleep is when I attempt to study seriously), and a lack of financial management (I was surviving on one meal a day last semester, and now I need 2-3 just to feel okay, but my rent is nearly $2000/month, and I don’t have a job or a car).
Since I’ve already been on probation, I doubt I’ll get a second chance if my grades don’t improve significantly this semester. I’m seriously questioning whether to stick with engineering, change my major, or even leave college entirely. While I’m thankful for my $24k engineering scholarship, I also resent it. I excelled in subjects like Calculus and Chemistry, and I’ve never struggled in Biology, so maybe I should have pursued that instead. The risks of this path have proven too great, and now my GPA is suffering to the point where federal aid may no longer be an option. I find myself despising the Chemical Engineering major.
The coursework is incredibly challenging and requires a way of thinking that doesn’t mesh well with my learning style. I grasp the concepts, but it takes me too long to fully understand them, leaving me behind. After tests, I feel frustrated when I realize I could have answered questions I missed. I detest the way my professors look at me when I ask questions, as if they can’t comprehend what I’m saying, even when it’s clear in my mind. I also feel ignored when I reach out to them via email, and I can’t stand the superiority complex some professors seem to have.
I’ve been exploring certificate programs like dental lab tech or pharmacy tech, as I want a job with a steady routine, away from the chaos of customer service and ever-changing responsibilities. Ideally, I’d like a role that allows for some independence, where I can afford my own safe space and eat healthy food without relying on inexpensive junk. I’m not after a six-figure salary or a glamorous lifestyle; I simply want the basics, safety, and to distance myself from my family.
I’m also considering looking for online jobs, although my work history is mostly limited to customer service roles, the longest being six months. I’m unsure if companies would take me seriously given my age and background. If anyone has experience or advice on how to approach online job applications—or recommendations for the best job search sites—I would greatly appreciate your insights.
TL;DR: Should I push through college and consider switching majors, or explore alternative paths like certificate programs or online jobs, despite potential judgment from others? What steps can I take for stability and independence given my current situation?
It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. College can be an incredibly stressful time, especially when dealing with personal issues like mental health and difficult living situations. Here are a few thoughts that might help you navigate this situation:
Prioritize Your Mental Health: The fact that you’ve mentioned serious struggles with mental health is crucial. Before making any big decisions about your future, consider speaking with a mental health professional. They can provide you with tools and support to help manage your anxiety and burnout, which could improve your overall academic performance.
Explore Your Options: You seem to have some clarity about what you want in a future career—stability and a manageable routine. It’s okay to pivot from engineering if it’s causing you so much distress. Research the certificate programs you’re interested in. Many of them can lead to fulfilling careers without the demands of a traditional four-year degree.
Reach Out for Support: Don’t hesitate to talk to academic advisors or counselors at your college. They can provide guidance on switching majors or exploring alternative paths and can help you navigate financial aid concerns if you’re considering leaving college.
Consider Taking a Break: If you’re feeling burnt out, a leave of absence might allow you to step back, focus on your mental health, and figure out what you want next without the pressure of grades hanging over you. Use this time to explore certificate programs, look for online job opportunities, or even gain some work experience.
Online Job Opportunities: There are many job platforms that cater to entry-level positions, like Indeed, LinkedIn, and remote-specific sites like We Work Remotely or Remote.co. Highlight your customer service experience in your applications, emphasizing any skills or achievements that demonstrate reliability and independence.
Reflect on Your Major: It sounds like you already recognize that Chemical Engineering might not be the right fit for you. That realization is a significant first step. Take some time to reflect on what subjects you enjoy and excel in—even if it seems unconventional to others.
Financial Management: Consider reaching out to a financial advisor, even informally at your college, to help you navigate budgeting and managing your living expenses. It’s okay to seek help when it comes to finances, especially when you’re feeling stretched thin.
Remember, everyone’s path is different, and it’s okay to take a route that feels right for you, even if it doesn’t align with what others expect. The most important thing is your well-being and finding a path that leads to a fulfilling and stable life. Good luck, and take care of yourself!