Title: Struggling with My Mom’s Harsh Words
Hi everyone. This isn’t my typical post—I’m usually focused on university stress—but I’ve been going through something really tough and couldn’t find anything similar here, so I’m hoping to connect with those who might understand or offer advice.
I’m 17 and have always been the straight-laced kid. I don’t sneak out, hang out with friends outside of school, or have any romantic experiences. The most rebellious things I’ve done are the occasional angry thoughts after a disagreement with my mom or wearing mascara on my birthday when I wasn’t supposed to.
I try my best to be a good daughter. I help look after my three younger siblings, one of whom is autistic, and I follow my mom’s rules. But despite this, I feel like my mom really dislikes me. She often says hurtful things like “I hate you” or “I wish you were never born.” At first, I brushed it off as just angry remarks, but lately, she’s been saying things that are much more alarming, like wishing I would die or jump in front of a car.
I have an older sister who doesn’t do much around the house, yet my mom seems to favor her. This has been really confusing for me because I put in so much effort to help out. When my sister is disrespectful, my mom doesn’t react, but I feel like I can’t do anything right.
I’ve been struggling to cope with my mom’s harsh words, especially with the added pressure of waiting to hear about university acceptances. I genuinely love her, and it hurts to feel like I’m not valued. Recently, whenever I get sick or have my period, I secretly hope she might ease up a little, but unfortunately, it seems to make her more irritable.
My mom often undermines me in front of relatives and says hurtful things about my appearance, which has made me stop wanting to attend family gatherings. On my 16th birthday, after a particularly bad argument, she took my phone away, leaving me to celebrate alone. I ended up singing happy birthday to myself with an apple and a candle, and it was a pretty lonely moment.
Even though it was my birthday, she wouldn’t let me wear makeup, which I had hoped would be an exception for the occasion. When I arrived at school, my friends celebrated me, but the contrast between their experiences with their moms and mine really hit hard.
I know my mom can be loving towards my siblings, so it’s tough for me to reconcile why she treats me this way. Sometimes she hits me out of anger, but I’ve become desensitized to it. Lately, though, it’s her words that are really affecting me.
I find myself feeling envious when I see my friends enjoying close relationships with their mothers. I want to talk about my situation, but I worry about how others will perceive my mom since she can be so nice otherwise.
If anyone has dealt with a similar situation or has any advice, I would truly appreciate your insights. Thank you for listening.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly tough and painful to feel that kind of rejection and negativity from your mom, especially when you’re doing so much to support your family. It’s not okay for anyone to speak to you or treat you that way, and it’s understandable that those hurtful comments are weighing heavily on you.
Though it can feel disheartening, remember that you are not alone in this. Many others have dealt with similar issues, and it’s important to reach out and seek support. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a family member outside of your immediate household, a teacher, or a counselor, sharing your experiences and feelings can really help lighten the emotional burden.
It’s also important to take care of yourself. Your feelings are valid, and finding healthy outlets for your stress, like journaling, art, or physical activity, can be beneficial. Setting boundaries with your mom, if possible, can also help protect your mental health. You shouldn’t have to tolerate physical or emotional abuse in any form.
In the meantime, focusing on your own future—like your university applications and personal goals—can empower you to find a path that’s right for you. It’s clear you have a lot of love and dedication within you, and channeling that into pursuing your dreams could lead to a brighter future away from this difficult situation.
Please consider talking to a professional who can offer guidance. You deserve compassion and support, regardless of what’s happening at home. Remember that your worth is not determined by anyone else’s opinion of you, but by who you are and how you treat others. Take care of yourself.