“never good enough” for my dad

“Never Good Enough” for My Dad

My dad has been really getting on my nerves lately. I put so much effort into my schoolwork, yet he rarely acknowledges my hard work. Whenever I get a grade that’s not an A, he has to criticize it. I remember in freshman year, I studied intensely for my finals and got all As except for one B+. Instead of recognizing my achievements, he only focused on the B+, which made me break down in tears. It hurt so much to see my hard work overshadowed by just one grade.

Now, every time he brings up a grade that he deems inadequate, he sarcastically asks, “What, are you going to cry now?” And yes, I often do cry because that really triggers me. I can handle the criticism, but when he says things like that, it crosses a line. I work so hard in school, and it feels terrible to know that only my perceived failures are noticed, while my efforts go unappreciated. It seems like he intentionally tries to belittle and upset me.

I’ve always been a straight-A, AP student on my own. My parents never had to remind me about homework or push me to study; I’m not a party kid, either. Yet, he never acknowledges that. He has never apologized for anything. Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” he tells me to “stop being upset.” He often calls me dramatic and suggests that I’m crying over nothing. To be honest, I’ve never heard him apologize to me, my sister, or my mom in my entire life.

I don’t know why I crave his validation so much; usually, I don’t care what other people think. I guess when someone makes me feel small and insignificant, it affects me deeply. I might delete this later because I’ll probably feel embarrassed reading it again, but I needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.