This is the same girl who, at 3 years old, was recognized as gifted through a public school exam.
The same girl who, at 9, would hit herself with rulers for getting questions wrong—all because she felt the weight of her future.
The same girl who, at 10, sacrificed sleep, staying up until 4 a.m. and getting just two hours of rest in her quest to prepare for what lay ahead.
The same girl who, at 11, found herself crying for five hours each day over financial worries—despite coming from a family that was relatively well-off—and her uncertain future.
The same girl who, at 12, started taking 16 weak melatonin pills daily because it felt easier to stay asleep than to face the world.
The same girl who, at 13, wept over any grade below 98%.
The same girl who, at 14, mentally, socially, and physically exhausted herself just to get an invitation to the honor society.
The same girl who is now 15, sharing this post after being told by her counselor to “try harder and I won’t feel so stressed.”
The same girl who isn’t sure what she wants to do with her life.
The same girl stressed about a future she questions whether she’ll live long enough to enjoy.
Edit: I posted this when I was feeling really overwhelmed and burned out, so I want to clarify a few things:
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None of this will be included in my college essay. I doubt it demonstrates anything beyond my early mental health struggles.
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For those commenting with confusion—this reflects my response to my dad’s comment: “What happened to you? You used to be so great.” I replied, “I’m still the same girl,” and it inspired this metaphor about the pressure young kids face. I was overwhelmed with emotions and thought I was being clever, but posting about my habits probably wasn’t the best idea.
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As for the melatonin and sleep situation: my parents aren’t very strict about sleep; being night owls is just a norm in our family. I have easy access to melatonin due to a family history of insomnia. The ones I take are quite weak, and it takes about 10 to feel any effect.
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I know this sounds concerning, and I recognize it seems a bit extreme. It’s more of a self-reflection and a chance to empathize with my younger self who dealt with all this stress.
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I haven’t started therapy yet, but I do visit school counseling regularly.
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and I appreciate you sharing your journey with us. It’s clear that you’re feeling the weight of immense pressure from a young age, and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed. Recognizing and verbalizing these feelings is an important step in processing them.
It’s great that you’re seeking support through school counseling; sometimes just having someone to talk to can help release that burden. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your mental health over external expectations. You’re not defined by grades or societal standards of success. It’s important to take the time to discover what truly matters to you, outside of the pressures you’ve faced.
Please take care of yourself and try to find activities that bring you joy and relaxation. You deserve to explore your interests without the weight of stress. Also, I encourage you to keep an open line of communication with trusted adults in your life about how you’re feeling. You’re not alone in this, and there are people who care about your well-being.