Struggling to Make Friends in College
As a non-traditional transfer student from a community college in Texas, I made the leap to a four-year university at 23. Now, in my final semester, I find myself feeling like I’ve fallen short in the friendship department. So far, I’ve only managed to connect with one friend through a neurodivergent support group.
I attended various clubs, hoping to build connections, but it often felt challenging. Many attendees already had established friend groups, leaving me on the outside looking in. Additionally, the attendance varied each time, making it hard to foster deeper relationships. This year, I’m working as a Resident Assistant, and sometimes I wish I had joined a sorority instead. I considered it when I first transferred but hesitated and ultimately decided against it, thinking that I’d make friends through my job. Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened either.
With graduation looming in May, I’ve been feeling a bit down about my social situation. I don’t have a solid friend group, and sometimes it feels like I’ve let my last chance for connection slip away. I’ve tried several clubs, including BSU, ASO, the Tea Club, and the Nigerian Club, but attendance issues and fatigue often got in the way. Currently, I’m involved with Her Club as a writer, but our weekly Zoom meetings make it tough to connect with others. I’m also juggling an internship, so my time is quite packed.
My only remaining option for meeting new people post-graduation seems to be apps like Meetup, though I’m skeptical about their effectiveness. I’d appreciate any advice on making friends as an adult after college. I’m also exploring new hobbies to keep myself engaged while I navigate the challenging job market. Having friends would certainly help ease the transition after graduation, but it all feels daunting—especially living in a suburban area.
TL;DR: I’m reflecting on my struggles to forge friendships in college as graduation approaches in two months.
It sounds like you’ve been through a lot during your time in college, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and frustrated about making connections. First, I want to acknowledge that making friends, especially in a new environment, can be really challenging, and it’s not a reflection of your worth or abilities.
It’s great that you’ve already made one meaningful connection through the neurodivergent connect group. Sometimes, friendships take time to develop, and even a single person can make a huge difference in feeling connected. Here are a few suggestions that might help you as you navigate this last stretch of college life and beyond:
Focus on Quality Over Quantity: It’s not about the number of friends, but rather the depth of those connections. Consider reaching out to your one friend and discussing your experiences. They might be feeling similarly or have insights on how to expand your circle.
Common Interests: It sounds like you’ve tried a variety of clubs, which is commendable! Maybe look for smaller groups that focus on specific activities you enjoy. Sometimes smaller settings foster more meaningful interactions.
Engage in Conversations: If you find yourself in situations where you can interact with classmates or colleagues, like during group projects or within your RA duties, consider initiating conversations beyond the surface level. Simple questions like, “What do you enjoy doing outside of class?” can spark deeper discussions.
Social Media and Online Communities: Platforms like Facebook or Reddit often have groups for local interests or communities. You might find people with similar hobbies or goals who live nearby.
Hobbies and Passion Projects: Consider engaging in activities that genuinely interest you and where you can meet like-minded individuals. Whether it’s a class, workshop, or volunteering, immersing yourself in something you love can lead to friendships naturally.
Take Your Time: Remember that forming friendships is a gradual process. Many people feel like they’re not making connections, especially in college. It’s okay to feel like you haven’t found your crew just yet.
Post-Graduation Plans: It’s common to feel stressed about leaving college and entering the job market. Even though it can be intimidating, try to shift your focus towards personal growth and exploration during this time.
Be Kind to Yourself: Lastly, practice self-compassion. Reflect on the effort you’ve put into meeting people and recognize that you’re doing your best in a tough situation.
Friendships can form at any age and at any stage in life. Stay open to opportunities, and keep pushing yourself a little outside of your comfort zone. You’ve made it through college – you can absolutely navigate friendships after graduation too!