Hey everyone! I’m Ivy, a college student, and I’ve come to a surprising realization about myself—I actually enjoy being alone. Is that a bad thing?
Back in high school, I had this image of college filled with wild parties, drinking, and making tons of friends, along with a few other experiences that I thought would be life-changing. But now that I’m here, things haven’t quite matched my expectations. Drinking is not as exciting as I thought, and parties? They’re more crowded and overwhelming than fun (I felt totally out of place at the last one—I thought I might lose it!). Even intimacy feels… lackluster.
While making friends has been easier than in high school, I frequently feel out of my element in group situations. For instance, there was this awkward moment at Qdoba with my roommate’s friend, T, where I felt completely left out of their conversation. They were laughing about something I didn’t understand, and it made me feel disconnected. Another time, when I tried to get involved in a conversation about Halloween makeup, my attempt to bond just fell flat—no one was really interested.
I do have a few friends, like V, who has introduced me to her group, but they still feel like her friends more than mine. Plus, I often find myself putting in all the effort to make plans, only to have people bail at the last minute, which is frustrating. Honestly, I’m getting a little tired of it.
So here’s where I’m at: I’ve come to genuinely enjoy my own company—probably about 75-80% of the time. I hope that doesn’t come off as snobbish; I really do like being around people, but maybe I just haven’t found my tribe yet.
Thanks for reading!
Hey Ivy!
First of all, thanks for sharing your thoughts so openly—it sounds like you’re really taking the time to introspect and understand yourself, which is so important, especially in this transition phase of life.
It’s perfectly okay to enjoy being alone! In fact, many people find solitude beneficial for self-discovery and creativity. College can sometimes feel like the expectation is to constantly be social and engaged, but it’s crucial to honor what feels right for you. You shouldn’t feel pressured to fit into a mold that doesn’t resonate with you.
It’s also totally normal to feel out of place in group settings, especially when you’re still navigating new environments and social circles. Not every situation will resonate with you, and that’s okay! Building meaningful friendships can take time, and the right connections often come when you least expect it.
With your friend (V), maybe you could explore common interests that could help bridge the gap with her other friends? And don’t hesitate to be honest with them about how you feel in those social situations—sometimes sharing your perspective can help in fostering deeper connections.
Remember that it’s a journey, and finding your tribe might take time. Until then, embrace the alone time that you enjoy—it’s a valuable opportunity for personal growth and understanding what you truly want from your social life. You’re not a snob for wanting space; you’re just prioritizing what feels right for you!
Hang in there, and good luck on your journey!