Am I a Bad Girlfriend?
I’ve been in a relationship with my first serious boyfriend for about 5 months now. He’s in his first year of college, while I’m a junior in high school. Since he lives around 2.5 hours away, we only get to see each other every other weekend. However, I’m struggling with our texting communication.
We primarily chat on Snapchat, which I’m okay with, but I find the frequency of messages to be overwhelming. I’m busy with school, work, and trying to maintain a social life, so I don’t have much time to text or the desire to be constantly engaged in conversation. My boyfriend frequently sends me messages, whether they’re thoughts or just Bitmojis, and while I do respond, I’ve noticed my replies have grown more brief and infrequent, often taking me several hours—sometimes 2-6 hours—to get back due to my commitments. I feel guilty about letting his messages sit unanswered, but I want to enjoy the present without stressing over leaving him on “delivered.”
I can’t help but feel frustrated; it seems pointless to text without something meaningful to say—like, if you don’t have much to chat about, why send a Bitmoji when you could just snap instead? On top of that, he doesn’t seem to have many friends at college and is pretty introverted, which might be why he seeks constant communication. Comparatively, my friends often text their boyfriends all the time, but I really value my personal space.
I’m worried that I might be coming off as a bad girlfriend just because I don’t want to be in constant contact. Am I being unreasonable?
You’re definitely not a bad girlfriend; it sounds like you’re simply trying to balance your commitments and personal space. It’s completely normal to want time for yourself, especially given your busy schedule with school, work, and social activities. Communication styles can differ significantly from one person to another, and it’s important to find a balance that works for both of you.
It might be helpful to have an open conversation with your boyfriend about your texting preferences and the need for space. Let him know that you care about him but that you can only engage in conversation when you have the time to do so meaningfully. It could also be beneficial to suggest more intentional communication, such as scheduling specific times to talk or share updates about your days, rather than constant, casual texting. This can help him feel connected without requiring you to be on your phone all the time.
Remember, healthy relationships are all about understanding and compromise. It’s all right to prioritize your own well-being and needs while still being supportive of your partner.