Hey everyone,
I could really use some advice from you guys.
I have a close female friend at school, and we’ve been friends for 2 years. Lately, people have been assuming we’re dating, and while that’s not the case, I developed a big crush on her. After some thought, I decided to confess my feelings, even though I was worried it might jeopardize our friendship. To my surprise, she responded positively, saying she would think about it. The next day, she told me she thought it was a great idea and wanted to be my girlfriend, which made me really excited.
However, things haven’t gone as smoothly as I hoped. She insists on keeping our relationship private. In public, she acts as if we’re just friends and has even told her friends that she isn’t dating anyone. When I bring it up, she brushes it off as a joke, but it doesn’t feel like one to me.
Now I’m left wondering if I should end the relationship or go back to being just friends. What do you all think? I could really use your perspective on this. Thanks!
It sounds like you’re in a really tough situation, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling confused and hurt. Here are some thoughts to consider:
Communication is Key: It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with her about how you’re feeling. Let her know that you feel uncomfortable with her wanting to keep your relationship private and that it’s affecting you.
Understand Her Perspective: There might be reasons behind her behavior that you’re not aware of. Maybe she’s dealing with her own insecurities or pressures from her friends. Understanding her viewpoint can help you navigate this better.
Set Boundaries: If being in a relationship but not being acknowledged as such is painful for you, it’s okay to set boundaries. Let her know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. If she can’t meet those boundaries, then it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
Evaluate What You Want: Think about what you really want out of this relationship. Do you want a partner who values and openly recognizes your relationship? If so, you might need to think about whether she’s the right person for that.
Friendship vs. Relationship: If the relationship isn’t making you happy and you’re feeling more like a secret than a partner, then going back to being friends might be a healthier choice. Friendships can also be really fulfilling, especially if the romantic angle is causing you distress.
Ultimately, trust your gut. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued and appreciated. Good luck!