Should I Be Concerned About My Classmates? Or Am I Just Overreacting?
I’ve been carrying this weight for two and a half years without anyone to confide in. Apologies if my English isn’t perfect; it’s not my first language.
I’m currently studying computer science at a technical school, and I’m one of only two girls in my class. (I identify as a trans guy, but no one knows; to them, I’m seen as a girl.) I tend to be a quiet person who prefers to blend into the background rather than draw attention to myself.
Unfortunately, most of my classmates (apart from the other girl and one guy) enjoy being loud and disruptive. I understand that it’s typical for teenagers to act out, but my class is particularly chaotic. The principal has repeatedly intervened to scold us, and the teachers seem to have little patience for our behavior. Despite this, some classmates continue to escalate the situation. A group of seven students often bullies teachers they perceive as weak, including a 60-year-old teacher whom they targeted just for handing out a disciplinary note.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m overreacting, but I don’t feel safe. It’s not just annoying; entering the classroom feels genuinely risky. Physically, I’m smaller and have limited strength, and I’ve struggled with my mental health, which makes things even tougher. The bullying has reached a point where they’ve made jokes about my mental health, and one day they even said they’d celebrate if I took my own life. To add to that, I’m on the autism spectrum. I have difficulty with loud noises, and while they don’t know I’m autistic, they are aware of my sensitivity to sounds. They often tease me by yelling my name from behind or repeating songs I like until I can’t stand them anymore.
My classmates are generally aggressive, too. They hit each other, boast about it, and have little control over their tempers. When frustrated in class or during games, they resort to breaking things or making violent threats—sometimes directed at me, and often aimed at anyone they perceive as weak.
Though this behavior doesn’t happen every day, it’s frequent enough to make me uncomfortable. The only reason it’s not worse is a girl in my class who has become a friend. She initially shared my quieter demeanor, but after joining a more aggressive crowd, she’s learned to stand up for both herself and me, despite facing backlash for it. The thought of her potentially failing this year and me being left as the only girl in this environment is terrifying. When I need to participate in class or communicate in group chats, I freeze, fearing retaliation, especially since they see me as a “girl.” Adding to my anxiety, many of them hold extreme far-right views, which makes me worry that if my identity were to be revealed, I’d be in serious trouble.
I’ve considered switching classes, but I dislike change and dislike the idea of new teachers and routines. However, after the principal’s first intervention, several students transferred out, leading to a ban on class changes for the rest of the semester, and transferring schools isn’t an option either.
I feel trapped and overwhelmed. The longer I’m around this environment, the worse my mental health feels. I’m worried I may just be overreacting and misinterpreting the situation, though. If you’re someone who dismisses the queer community or underestimates autism, I urge you to put those biases aside and offer advice. Should I genuinely be concerned, or am I overreacting? And how can I navigate this situation to make it more bearable?
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re in a really difficult and frightening situation. It’s completely valid for you to feel scared and concerned about your safety and mental health given the dynamics in your class. You’re not being paranoid; your feelings are legitimate, especially considering the behavior of your classmates and the impact it’s having on your well-being.
It’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional safety. Here are a few suggestions that might help:
Reach Out for Support: If there’s a counselor or trusted teacher at your school, consider speaking with them about what’s happening. They may be able to intervene or provide you with resources to help you deal with this situation. It’s essential to have someone who understands what you’re going through.
Document Everything: Keep a record of the incidents that occur, including dates, times, what was said or done, and any witnesses. This documentation can be useful if you decide to report the behavior to school authorities.
Find Allies: It’s great that you have one friend in your class. Try to build on that relationship, and perhaps see if there are other classmates who might be supportive. Having a small support network can make a big difference.
Set Boundaries: If possible, practice techniques for deflecting or ignoring hurtful comments. This is tough, but sometimes being able to calmly respond or disengage can help lessen the impact of their behavior on you.
Self-Care: Make sure to take care of yourself outside of school. Engage in activities that make you feel happy and safe, whether that’s spending time with friends, engaging in a hobby, or practicing mindfulness techniques.
Consider External Resources: Look for online communities or resources for LGBTQ+ youth and those dealing with bullying. Connecting with others who understand your experience can provide comfort and advice.
Reevaluate the Situation: If things don’t improve or get worse, you might want to consider talking to an adult outside of the school (like a parent or guardian) about your concerns. They might be able to help advocate for you or explore other options.
Remember, no one deserves to feel unsafe or uncomfortable at school, and it’s important to take your feelings seriously. You deserve to have a supportive environment where you can learn and grow. Stay strong, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help.