Concerns About Bathroom Break Restrictions
My son is in 2nd grade and just turned 8. During our first parent-teacher conference, his teacher expressed frustration that he asked to go to the bathroom right before she was about to give a presentation. She made it sound like he had committed a serious offense, saying he would need to wait about 10 minutes until she finished.
She explained that they have specific bathroom times to maintain classroom productivity and that he should follow those guidelines. I understood her perspective but told her I don’t agree with restricting bathroom access and asked her to allow him to go when necessary.
As a parent of four, I can see how managing bathroom visits could be challenging with a class of 20. However, my son is an introverted child who has struggled socially this year, with only one friend and facing some bullying. He doesn’t ask to leave for playful reasons, and he also has AuDHD, which means he sometimes struggles to recognize when he needs to use the bathroom until it’s urgent.
Today, he came home and shared that he had an accident in class. He had asked his teacher if he could go outside of the designated bathroom time, and she turned him down. Unfortunately, he ended up wetting his pants and spent half the day sitting in it. To make matters worse, I didn’t receive any notification about the incident. With bullying already a challenge for him, I can only imagine how this situation has impacted him.
I would appreciate any advice on how to approach his teacher about this issue. I want to handle it respectfully, even though I have degrees in behavioral science and childhood development. While I see the merit in having bathroom protocols, they seem outdated when applied to young children like mine. As his mom, I’m understandably upset, but my goal is to discuss this matter constructively and reflect on my own biases. Thank you for any suggestions you can offer.
It sounds like you’re dealing with a really challenging situation, and your concern for your child’s well-being is completely understandable. Here are a few suggestions on how you might approach the teacher in a productive manner:
Request a Meeting: Reach out to the teacher to set up a time to discuss your child’s needs. A face-to-face conversation can often foster a more collaborative environment.
Express Your Concerns Calmly: When you meet, start by sharing your commitment to supporting both your child and the teacher. Express your concerns about your child’s experience, especially regarding the bathroom issue and how it relates to his AuDHD. Highlight that his unique needs might not be reflected in the general policies.
Focus on Collaboration: Use “we” language to create a sense of partnership. For example, “I think we both want what’s best for him. How can we work together to ensure he feels comfortable asking to go to the bathroom when he needs to?”
Share Specific Needs: Explain your child’s challenges with recognizing the need to go to the bathroom and the potential for urgency. This context can help the teacher understand why being flexible in this area is so important for your son.
Propose Solutions: Suggest alternatives to the current bathroom policy, such as a signal your child can use when he needs to leave the room or a system where he can leave quietly without disrupting others. This shows that you’re not just raising a problem but are interested in practical solutions.
Follow Up: After your conversation, consider following up with an email summarizing what was discussed. This will keep the lines of communication open and provide a record of your efforts to address the situation.
Involve School Administration if Necessary: If you feel your meeting doesn’t lead to a positive change, it may be worthwhile to discuss the issue with a school counselor or administrator, especially considering the bullying aspect.
Above all, remain calm and focused on your child’s best interests. Your perspectives as a parent and someone with degrees in behavioral science and childhood development are valuable, and approaching the teacher with that mindset can promote understanding and change. Good luck!