How can I find a sense of belonging?
I’ve been in the same class for about 3 to 4 years now, and honestly, I’ve never really connected with my classmates. I put on a front and pretend to get along just to get through the day, but I still feel excluded. I can see in their expressions that they’d rather not have me in their friend groups, even though we have enough in common to hang out. This pattern of exclusion has followed me since childhood, and I still can’t figure out why.
I’ve come to understand that it’s not about my appearance, interests, or socio-economic background. It’s worth mentioning that I’m autistic, but my peers don’t know that. I mask my traits well, yet it often feels like they can sense something is different. At one point, I thought my academic performance contributed to my struggles, so I worked hard to improve my grades, but that hasn’t changed my situation.
At 16, I find myself still grappling with the question of what’s wrong with me—a question I’ve been asking since elementary school. I can fit in to some extent, but I’ve never truly felt included. I’m at a loss for what to do next. What can I do to be part of the group?
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds incredibly tough to feel excluded, especially after being in the same class for so long. It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to want to connect with others.
Here are a few suggestions that might help you feel more included:
Find Common Interests: Look for small groups or activities based on shared interests, whether it’s a club, sport, or hobby. Sometimes people bond over common activities.
Take Initiative: Sometimes it can help to make the first move. Invite classmates to hang out or join in on conversations. You could start with something simple, like discussing a movie or a book that you all might enjoy.
Be Authentic: While it’s understandable to mask your true self, showing your genuine interests and personality can help others connect with you. It might feel scary at first, but being yourself can attract people who appreciate you for who you are.
Seek Support: Talk to someone you trust, like a teacher, school counselor, or family member. They might have insights or be able to help facilitate interactions with your classmates.
Find New Friendships: Sometimes, it’s worth exploring friendships outside your current class. Look for opportunities to meet new people, whether in clubs, sports, or community events.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to feel sad about this, and it doesn’t reflect your worth. Remember that everyone has their struggles with belonging, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
Building connections takes time, and it’s okay to be patient with yourself. You’re deserving of friendships and support, and sometimes the right people take a little longer to find. Hang in there!