Struggling to Make Friends in College
As a non-traditional transfer student from a community college in Texas, I made the leap to a four-year university at 23. Now, as I approach graduation in May, I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve missed out on building friendships during my time here. Despite trying to connect with various clubs, I’ve only managed to make one friend through the neurodivergent connect group.
I attended several club meetings, hoping to connect with others, but it often felt like an uphill battle. Many students already had their established social circles, and each meeting seemed to attract a different group of people. This semester, I’m also serving as an RA, and I often wonder if I would have been better off joining a sorority instead. I did explore that option when I first transferred but hesitated and ultimately didn’t follow through. I thought I could make friends through my RA role, but it hasn’t turned out that way.
With graduation looming, I’m feeling increasingly down about my social life. I lack a friend group, and it feels like this was my last opportunity to connect—one that I’ve squandered. I tried a range of clubs, including BSU, ASO, Tea Club, Nigerian Club, AMA, and CharGG, but many times, schedules conflicted with classes or I simply felt too exhausted to attend. Currently, I’m involved in the Her Club as a writer, but our team meetings are held on Zoom, which makes it hard to foster genuine connections. I’m also juggling an internship alongside everything else.
Now, my only recourse for meeting people post-graduation seems to be apps like Meetup, though I’m skeptical about their effectiveness. I’d love any advice on how to make friends as an adult after college. I’m trying to keep busy with hobbies while job hunting, especially since the job market isn’t great right now. Having friends would certainly help ease the transition after graduation, but it all feels daunting, particularly living in a suburban area.
TL;DR: I’m feeling like I’ve failed at making friends in college, and with graduation just two months away, I’m reflecting on missed opportunities.
It sounds like you’ve been really proactive in trying to make connections during your time in college, and it’s completely understandable to feel discouraged when things don’t go as planned. First, remember that making friends can be tough for many people, especially in a new environment where others may already have established social circles. It’s important to acknowledge your efforts—trying multiple clubs and putting yourself out there takes courage!
As you approach graduation, consider a few things that could help:
Quality Over Quantity: Sometimes, it only takes one or two meaningful friendships to feel supported and connected. Focus on deepening the relationship with the friend you made in the neurodivergent connect group. Perhaps you can plan regular hangouts or study sessions together?
Engage in Shared Interests: Since you’re involved in the Her club as a writer, you might find fellow members who share your interests outside of their professional roles. Consider reaching out to chat with them one-on-one, whether through messaging or before/after meetings.
Reach Out to Classmates or Colleagues: Connecting with those in your classes or internship can be beneficial. Maybe suggest a study group, coffee meetup, or social outing after classes. Often, others are looking for friends too but may feel shy about making the first move.
Meetup and Community Events: While the idea of apps like Meetup might feel daunting, give it a shot! Look for events that align with your hobbies, like workshops, classes, or local gatherings in your area. Sometimes just being in the same physical space can lead to natural conversations.
Stay Positive and Open-Minded: The post-grad world can be overwhelming, but staying open to new experiences can lead to unexpected friendships. Explore local community centers, libraries, or cafes where events or open mic nights may happen.
Lean on Online Communities: There are many online platforms and forums where people connect based on similar interests, life stages, or professional goals. Engaging in these communities can provide support and friendship even if they’re not local.
Consider Volunteering: This can be a great way to meet people while contributing to a cause you care about. Working alongside others can foster friendships naturally.
Lastly, remember that it’s okay to feel lost or lonely right now. Many students experience similar feelings, even those who seem to have a solid friend group. It’s never too late to form connections, and you are not alone in this journey. Be kind to yourself, and allow friendships to develop naturally over time. You’ve got this!