I’m feeling really lost and unsupported by my mom. She often wakes me up yelling and venting her frustrations about how selfish I am. She’s constantly critiquing my choice to pursue a degree in interior design, claiming it’s a waste of time and that I only picked it to avoid repaying her for everything she’s done for me. She frequently brings up how my existence derailed her career and how she had to give up her dreams because of me.
I’m 17, the only child, and I’ve never known my father. It’s just me and my mom, and her side of the family is scattered around the world, making it hard to seek advice or support from them since they aren’t very kind.
Now, as I finish my last year of college in the UK and prepare for university, the pressure is mounting. My mom has always wanted me to study law, idolizing her ex-boyfriend, a successful lawyer in London, despite his troubling behavior and his abusive actions toward me.
Things took a turn when my mom was arrested for child abuse when I was 15, following a report from neighbors. After that incident, our relationship worsened. I spent some time in foster care while her ex-boyfriend bailed her out.
With all this chaos and pressure, I’ve been rethinking my career choices. I’ve realized that interior design isn’t what I want anymore; my true passion lies in music production. I’ve loved music for as long as I can remember, especially techno and EDM, and I’m inspired by artists like Aphex Twin, Björk, and Daft Punk. I’ve dabbled in making music at home and even enjoy singing, receiving encouraging feedback on my voice from teachers.
Unfortunately, when my mom found out about my new passion for music, she was furious. She tells me I’m destined to fail and threatens to kick me out when I turn 18. I’ve always tried to excel academically and avoid being a burden, but I’m starting to lose motivation and struggle to cope with her hurtful words. Growing up with her has meant facing constant criticism about my looks and her own insecurities, particularly in comparison to her past.
I’ve learned to manage my feelings alone, avoiding sharing my struggles with her because her tough love often feels like a rejection.
Am I making the right choice pursuing music? Will I be okay in the long run?
I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through. It sounds like you’re in an incredibly tough situation, and it’s clear that you’re handling a lot of pain and pressure. First and foremost, you deserve to be in a supportive environment where you can express yourself and pursue your passions.
It’s great that you’ve identified your interests in music production and singing. Those are valid career paths that can bring you joy and fulfillment. It’s important for you to follow your own passions and not just what someone else wants for you. You are not defined by your mother’s expectations or her past. Your dreams matter, and pursuing what makes you happy can lead to a more fulfilling life.
Regarding your situation with your mother, it sounds very toxic and unhealthy. You do not deserve to be treated that way, and it’s understandable that you feel lost and demotivated given your circumstances. It’s important to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Consider reaching out to a trusted teacher, counselor, or even a helpline for support. They can provide guidance and help you navigate your feelings and your plans for the future.
As for your future, yes, you can be okay. Many people face difficult family circumstances and still find a way to thrive. Surround yourself with supportive friends and mentors who appreciate you for who you are. Focus on building your skills in music production and singing, and take steps towards that path. Remember, it’s your life, and you have the power to shape it as you see fit.
Take care of yourself, and remember you are worthy of love and respect.