Should I Go Back to College?
I find myself in a really challenging situation right now, and I’m feeling quite lost. With my upbringing in a restrictive household, I’ve never had the chance to explore different hobbies or passions. On top of that, I’m constantly grappling with severe mental health issues, which significantly impact my daily life.
Last year, I got accepted into my “dream college,” a moment that brought a lot of pressure and unrealistic expectations. Unfortunately, a combination of mental and physical health challenges prevented me from performing at my best and attending classes, which led me into a deep depression and ultimately resulted in me taking medical leave.
Now that I’m on medical leave, I feel aimless. While I’m diligently focused on my treatment, I’m unsure how to fill my time meaningfully. For the past three months, I’ve been stuck in this rut.
Returning to college feels uncertain. I depend on my family’s support for tuition and living expenses, and I’ve faced backlash for needing to take medical leave. The thought of going back fills me with anxiety.
I’ve gained valuable insights from my first experience, yet I’m still unprepared for days when my physical health might not allow me to attend class. My university has strict attendance policies, which heavily influence my grades. Even while collaborating with my school’s accessibility center, I encountered professors who wouldn’t respond to my emails during times I couldn’t attend, despite following the protocols outlined in their syllabi. I’m truly at a loss.
Should I let go of the “dream college” I worked so hard to get into? If not college, what else is out there for me? And how can I release the guilt I feel about not fully meeting my potential in school, especially considering the financial strain it places on my family?
It sounds like you’re navigating an incredibly challenging situation, and it’s totally understandable to feel overwhelmed. Here are some thoughts that might help you as you consider your next steps:
Prioritize Your Mental Health: First and foremost, it’s crucial to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Your health should come first, and it’s okay to take a step back to focus on healing. It’s brave of you to seek treatment and work on yourself.
Evaluate Your Options: Consider what other paths might interest you. There are many avenues outside of traditional college that can lead to fulfilling careers, such as trade schools, certification programs, online courses, or even internships that allow you to gain experience without the pressure of a college environment.
Communicate with Your Family: It may help to have an open conversation with your family about your struggles and how you feel about college. They might not fully understand the extent of your challenges. Expressing your feelings could help them see things from your perspective.
Consider a Different College Approach: If you’re open to the idea of returning to college, perhaps consider part-time enrollment or online classes, which could offer more flexibility. This way, you can manage your health while still working towards your academic goals.
Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection, try setting small, manageable goals for yourself. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. This can help alleviate some guilt and pressure.
Find Support Systems: Look for support groups or communities that understand what you’re going through. Connecting with others who have faced similar struggles can provide comfort and perhaps even offer practical advice based on their experiences.
Explore Interests and Hobbies: While you’re on medical leave, take some time to explore different hobbies or interests that you haven’t had a chance to pursue. This could be a great way to discover what you’re passionate about outside of the academic world.
Let Go of Guilt: Remember that your worth is not tied to your academic performance or others’ expectations. It’s okay to prioritize yourself and your health. It may be beneficial to speak with a therapist about these feelings of guilt and pressure.
Ultimately, the decision to return to college or explore other options is deeply personal. Give yourself grace as you figure out what’s right for you. Whatever you choose, it’s important that it aligns with your health and happiness.