Since starting college, I’ve come to the realization that I actually enjoy being alone— is that a problem?
Hi, I’m Ivy, and I wanted to share my thoughts on a recent discovery about myself. Back in high school, I had this idea that college would be all about parties, drinking, making lots of friends, and exploring new experiences. However, now that I’m here, I find myself feeling a bit let down. Drinking isn’t as fun as I expected, parties are overwhelming (I honestly thought I might pass out at the last one), and even the idea of sex feels underwhelming.
Friendships are definitely easier to navigate than in high school, but I still often feel out of sync in larger groups. I had a particularly awkward moment with my roommate’s friend T while waiting in line at Qdoba—I felt completely excluded from their conversation when they started laughing about something I wasn’t in on. Another time, I tried to talk to them about doing makeup for Halloween, but they didn’t seem keen to engage. It’s these small moments that make me feel disconnected from others.
I do have a few friends I connect with, like V, who introduced me to her circle. However, they still feel like her friends more than mine. And when I try to organize plans, it’s often disappointing when people cancel at the last minute. It’s frustrating to always be the one making an effort, and at this point, I’m kind of over it.
What I’ve come to accept is that I truly enjoy spending time alone—probably about 75-80% of the time. I hope I don’t come across as a snob because I genuinely like people; perhaps I just haven’t found my right group yet.
Thanks for reading!
Hey Ivy,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts—first off, you definitely don’t sound like a snob! It’s completely natural to enjoy your own company, especially during such a transitional time like college. Many people feel pressure to fit into the stereotypical college experience, but it’s important to recognize what genuinely makes you happy.
Feeling disconnected in social situations can be tough, and it’s understandable that you’re navigating these feelings. Sometimes, it takes a little longer to find your tribe, and that’s okay. It sounds like you have a good sense of what you enjoy and what doesn’t resonate with you (like crowded parties and forced interactions), which is a healthy perspective.
Embracing your solitude can actually lead to personal growth, allowing you to explore your interests and passions more deeply. It might also give you the space to figure out what kind of friendships you truly want. If you’re open to it, consider exploring smaller, more intimate settings or clubs where you can meet like-minded people.
And remember, quality over quantity applies to friendships too. A few solid connections can be much more fulfilling than a larger circle of acquaintances. You’re not alone in feeling this way—many people feel the same during their college years. Keep being true to yourself, and the right connections will come along when the time is right!
Take care!