What should I do about a friend who keeps failing an exam needed for graduation?
To provide some context, I’m a 17-year-old guy in New York, and so is my friend. We attend the same high school, and for those unfamiliar with the NY education system, the English Regents exam includes 24 multiple-choice questions, an argumentative essay, and a text analysis. I passed the exam last January, along with many of my friends. Unfortunately, my friend didn’t pass, so he was placed in a remedial English class to prepare for a retake in June. He failed again in August and faced another unsuccessful attempt in January.
Passing the English Regents is essential for graduation. Since my friend has an IEP, he only needs to score at least a 55. If he can’t pass the exam this June, he’ll be held back and would graduate with the class of 2026. He’s really not keen on this outcome, but the issue is, he refuses to study. To help him and to combat the teasing he faces, I decided to assist him through tutoring, even though I’ve never done that before.
He agreed to it and seems genuinely interested when he shows up, but unfortunately, he often skips our sessions. I keep reminding him that he must fully commit if he wants to pass and avoid being held back, but he often chooses to hang out with friends or play games instead of following my advice to read more for better comprehension. I know I can’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to, but it’s frustrating to put in the effort when he doesn’t seem to reciprocate. Balancing this with my own classes has been challenging as well.
Should I step back and let him face the consequences, even if it means he might be held back? Or am I approaching this the wrong way and should I try to encourage him to take his studies more seriously?
It sounds like you’re in a tough situation with your friend. It’s clear you care about him and want to help, but it’s also important to recognize your own limits and responsibilities. Here are a few suggestions on how to approach this:
Have a conversation: Talk to your friend about how seriously he views the upcoming exam. Sometimes, people don’t realize how much is at stake until they reflect on it. Express your concerns honestly, but also listen to his feelings about the situation.
Set boundaries: It’s admirable that you want to help, but it’s essential to set boundaries for yourself. You can’t be responsible for his success or failure. If he continues to skip sessions without valid reasons, it might be a sign that he isn’t fully committed to the process.
Encourage accountability: Instead of just tutoring him, maybe help him set up a study plan or find a study group. This could create a sense of responsibility and community, making it less overwhelming for him.
Suggest alternative resources: If he isn’t responding to your tutoring, maybe suggest resources like online study programs, apps, or even seeking help from a teacher or professional tutor. Sometimes a different perspective or teaching style can make a big difference.
Be supportive but realistic: Let him know you care about his success, but also that he needs to take ownership of his education. Remind him that while you’re there to support him, the effort ultimately needs to come from him.
Prepare for different outcomes: Understand that, ultimately, he is the one who has to pass the exam. Be ready to support him emotionally if he does face the possibility of being held back, but also make it clear that you will help him in a way that works for both of you.
In summary, it’s a balancing act of providing support while also encouraging your friend to take charge of his education. You don’t have to give up on him, but it might be time to reevaluate how you offer help.