The Journey of Dropping Out: A Personal Reflection on College and Well-Being
As a 26-year-old woman majoring in computer science, my journey through higher education has been anything but straightforward. Coming from an immigrant family that harbored high expectations for me, I have often felt like I was navigating a path that wasn’t truly mine. With no defined career aspirations and a lack of genuine interest in my studies, I spent years merely “getting by,” managing to scrape through high school and my initial years in community college. However, I have come to a pivotal moment where I realize I cannot continue on this road, as it has taken a significant toll on my mental health.
In hindsight, I have always struggled with my mental well-being, but college has dramatically exacerbated those issues. Though I have never received an official diagnosis, I suspect that I may be experiencing undiagnosed ADHD, bipolar disorder, or depression. Each day has felt like a battle, leading to overwhelming feelings of despair. After several gap years, multiple major changes, and facing dismissal from my program twice—soon to be a third—I find myself at a crossroads.
The reality is that appeals following my third dismissal are typically denied, a situation for which I can hardly blame the institution. There is a potential “fresh start” program that allows for a reapplication after a three-year break, but I can’t help but wonder if I will even be interested by then. The thought of enduring another three years away from the academic environment feels traumatizing—I cringe at the very idea of stepping into a classroom, let alone the prospect of returning to college life. As I approach my thirties, I grapple with feelings of wasted time and the weight of disappointment. I can’t shake the reality that I feel like a failure.
What’s more, this impending decision to drop out is complicated by the fear of disappointing others. Though the idea of leaving college feels liberating, I am also haunted by questions about what comes next. What direction do I take now? What opportunities are available to me outside of academia? The burden of others’ expectations feels overwhelming, and the thought of letting people down feels like too much to bear.
As I contemplate taking this potentially life-altering step, I realize I need to prioritize my well-being. Dropping out seems to represent a chance to break free from the shackles that have bound me for too long. I may not have all the answers right now, but I do know that the
