Facing the Anxiety of Upcoming Exam Results: A Personal Reflection
As the release date for the AP exam scores approaches in just two days, I find myself overwhelmed with a mix of fear and frustration. Throughout this academic year, I’ve dedicated myself to excelling in my classes, earning Bs or higher across the board, except for my challenging AP Calculus AB course. Despite putting in consistent effort—studying diligently, seeking help after school, and tackling Khan Academy resources—my performance in math remains a source of stress.
For the past two years, I’ve tried countless times to persuade my parents to allow me to switch out of this difficult math class, but my requests have been dismissed. Last year, they were upset when I scored a 2 on the AP exam, even though a 3 is required for college credit. This year, despite visible effort and better grades elsewhere, my parents still questioned my dedication, accusing me of not trying hard enough in math tests. It’s disheartening because I genuinely worked hard, but no matter how much I tried, the frustration persisted.
What’s even more painful is the appreciation I received from my math teacher—one of the best educators I’ve ever had. He explained concepts with clarity, celebrated my participation, and reassured me that I could pass the exam this year. His support meant the world to me, especially since my parents’ reactions often felt dismissive.
However, every time I see a test grade less than a 3, I feel an overwhelming sense of despair building inside me. It’s not just the grade itself but the fear of what comes next—being told I didn’t try enough, that my efforts are insufficient. The anxiety has become so intense that I often find myself rushing out of class, struggling to hold back tears after disappointing scores. The continuous pressure from my parents to perform perfectly in a class I was forced into has taken a heavy toll on my mental health.
If my results fall below a 3, I’m deeply contemplating ending my life because I feel unable to face the shame and disappointment, especially knowing I’ve given my best despite the obstacles. Passing this exam and avoiding the need to retake the class in college is crucial for me. I fear that if I struggle with a competent teacher, my chances with a less effective one in college will be even slimmer.
If anyone reading this is religious, I kindly ask for your prayers during this difficult time. I don’t want to feel this overwhelmed