Seeking Advice After Loss
Hey everyone,
I wanted to share something personal. A few weeks ago, I lost my twin unexpectedly, and I’ve been spending this time with family. I go to school about 1500 miles away and wasn’t planning on coming home until summer break due to other commitments. I’m truly thankful for the opportunity to pause my life and be with my loved ones during such a difficult time, but I have to return to school after spring break, which is next week.
The truth is, I’m not ready to go back. I’ve been struggling to sleep and eat, and it’s hard to focus. The thought of returning to school and catching up on everything I’ve missed feels overwhelming. As a resident assistant, I feel guilty for leaving my residents for this long, even though my supervisor has been supportive and assured me not to worry about it. I’m also working on my senior thesis this semester and taking two studio classes, so I know I have a lot of ground to cover, even if my professors will likely be understanding.
To make matters even more challenging, my birthday is the week after I return to school. I can’t bear the thought of spending my first birthday without my twin away from family. Birthdays have always held a special place in my heart, and now, it just serves as a painful reminder of what we’ve lost and what could have been.
I realize that if I don’t go back now, I might never want to return, and I don’t want this experience to derail my academic journey. I’m so close to graduating, but I’m unsure if I can manage it all emotionally.
I have my flight booked, so there’s no turning back, but I’m really struggling with the idea of returning. If anyone has advice or words of encouragement, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for listening.
I’m truly sorry to hear about your twin’s passing. Losing someone so close is incredibly painful, and it’s completely understandable that you’re struggling right now. It’s important to give yourself permission to grieve and to acknowledge that your feelings are valid.
As you prepare to return to school, here are a few thoughts that might help:
Take it One Step at a Time: You don’t have to jump back into everything at once. Focus on small, manageable tasks each day. Prioritize self-care—sleep, eating, and taking time for your feelings.
Communicate: Keep in touch with your professors and your supervisor about where you are emotionally. They can provide flexibility and support, which might ease some of the pressure you’re feeling.
Lean on Support: Your friends, family, and even your residents can be a source of support. Let them know what you’re going through; they may be more understanding than you think.
Honor Your Twin’s Memory: Think of ways to honor your twin on your birthday, whether it’s through acts of kindness, sharing memories with friends, or creating a small ritual that brings you comfort.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: If you feel overwhelmed, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist. They can provide a safe space for you to process your grief and emotions.
Be Kind to Yourself: There’s no right way to grieve, and everyone’s timeline is different. Allow yourself the grace to feel what you feel without judgment.
It’s okay to be sad and overwhelmed. Just know that you are not alone, and it’s okay to seek help when you need it. Your desire to keep moving forward, despite the pain, shows incredible strength. Lean on your support network, and remember to take care of yourself along the way. You’re doing the best you can in an incredibly difficult situation.