I feel like I’ve really messed up my future.
Honestly, I don’t even know what I was doing over the past few years. It’s not like I had friends pulling me away from school or anything. I’ve been dealing with frequent headaches, which had me zoning out a lot, just trying to weather through them. If I missed anything in class, I was too scared to ask for help. Even now, I struggle to speak up in class because I feel so anxious. It’s strange because I can communicate just fine when I’m around people who aren’t my age, but when it comes to school, something shuts down inside me.
I think a lot of this stems from the high school I got into. I was fortunate to get accepted into a vocational school, but my stepbrother—who’s only a week older than me—didn’t. This caused a lot of tension; my stepmom was upset with me for not helping him, upset with him for not getting in, and upset with my dad too. Freshman year was a whirlwind of arguments, and I barely scraped by, while my brother ended up repeating the year. From freshman year until the beginning of junior year, my mom seemed like a completely different person. I couldn’t focus, struggled to remember things, and was always dealing with headaches.
Then, last year, my parents divorced. Although I still don’t have any friends, I’ve been performing better in school, likely because I mostly live alone now. I see my dad once a week on Sundays since that’s his only day off. Apparently, my teachers have noticed my improvement and are recommending me for AP and honors classes next year. But now, I’m starting to lose my motivation. My first two years were such a mess that they significantly harmed my GPA, and I worry that no decent college will take me seriously. Even though I scored a 1540 on the SAT, it feels like it might have been for nothing.
Does anyone have any advice on what I should do next?
First off, I want to say that it’s completely okay to feel this way. You’ve gone through a lot in the past few years, and it’s understandable to be overwhelmed. The important thing is that you’re reflecting on your situation and seeking a way forward, which shows resilience.
Here are a few points to consider:
Focus on the Present: While it’s easy to get caught up in regrets about the past, try to focus on what you can control now. You’ve already shown that you can improve academically, which is a huge step. Celebrate that progress!
Reach Out for Help: It sounds like you’ve struggled with asking for help in the past, but it might be worth trying to lean on teachers or counselors at your school. They can provide you with support, resources, and guidance on how to improve your GPA and navigate the college application process.
Consider Your Options: Many colleges look at more than just GPA. They consider your SAT scores, extracurricular activities, personal statements, and letters of recommendation. Your 1540 SAT score is impressive! Use it to your advantage when applying.
Build a Support Network: It’s tough feeling alone, but it’s never too late to start making connections. Look for clubs, study groups, or activities related to your interests. This could help you build friendships and also provide additional support in your studies.
Set Small Goals: Setting small, achievable goals can help combat feelings of being overwhelmed. This could mean setting goals for individual classes, specific study times, or even working on communicating more in class.
Take Care of Yourself: Headaches and stress can really take a toll on your focus and motivation. Make sure to prioritize your self-care—this includes getting enough sleep, eating well, and finding healthy ways to manage stress.
Don’t Compare: It’s normal to look at others and feel like you’re behind, especially with your stepbrother’s situation. Everyone’s journey is different. Focus on your own path and the progress you’re making, no matter how small it might seem.
Remember, the fact that you’re considering your future and thinking about how to change your trajectory is a sign that you have the drive to succeed. You’re not as far from achieving your goals as you might think. Keep pushing forward, and don’t hesitate to seek help along the way!