Seeking Advice on Handling a Bully
I could really use some advice on dealing with a situation that’s been bothering me. Here’s the backstory:
In my country, when you start ninth grade, you transition to high school, and that’s when I met a mix of new people and had some pretty varied experiences. Unfortunately, I also encountered a classmate—let’s call her P—who is incredibly racist and just downright unpleasant.
From the second week at this new school, P was hurling racial slurs my way, even though we hadn’t interacted before. It’s worth mentioning that my parents aren’t originally from here.
The school explained that P has a panic disorder, which I try my best to understand without using it against her. Regardless, she’s consistently rude to me for no apparent reason. I’ve made efforts to reach out and connect with her, hoping she would change her perception of me, but her hostility seems relentless. She’s also notorious for spreading gossip about everyone in our class.
After a month of her behavior, P decided to drop out and homeschool herself. I felt a wave of relief, thinking I wouldn’t have to deal with her for an entire year. But, of course, my relief was short-lived.
Now in tenth grade, she’s back—and she’s even worse. She’s more obnoxious, gossipy, and confrontational. She has also aligned herself with the “cool kids” who think they rule the school, and to make matters worse, she’s now best friends with my crush.
Most of my friends can’t stand her either, and I’ve realized that some I thought were my allies are just as two-faced as she is. I attempted one last time to repair our rocky start, but it seems she’s intent on maintaining her dislike for me.
The last straw was when she attempted to snitch on me again, but fortunately, the teachers appreciate me, so her scheme backfired.
I find myself wanting some sort of justice for how she has treated others. I’m looking for revenge that doesn’t have to be quick or cheap. As Sun Tzu once said, “The wheels of justice grind slow, but they grind fine…”
So, to my fellow teenagers—any thoughts on how I should handle this?
It’s understandable to feel hurt and angry about how P has treated you, especially given the personal nature of her attacks. However, seeking revenge might not be the best path. Instead, consider focusing your energy on positive actions that can improve your situation and your well-being. Here are some alternative suggestions:
Focus on Yourself: Channel your feelings into personal growth. Engage in activities that make you happy, whether that’s joining a club, focusing on your studies, or honing a new skill. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends can help reinforce your self-esteem.
Seek Support: Talk to friends who understand your situation. They can offer emotional support and even help you navigate any tricky situations with P. Sometimes just sharing your feelings with others can take a huge weight off your shoulders.
Be the Bigger Person: It might seem impossible, but rising above her behavior can often lead to a more satisfying outcome. Ignoring her and not letting her words affect you can frustrate her more than any revenge could.
Document Everything: If P continues her behavior, ensure you keep a record of her actions. If her harassment escalates, you may need to speak to school authorities again. Having documented evidence can be helpful.
Talk to Someone: Whether it’s a trusted teacher, counselor, or mentor, having an adult perspective can help you navigate the situation better. They may provide you with insights or mediate the conflict.
Channel Your Emotions Creatively: Write about your experiences, create art, or engage in other creative outlets. This can be a powerful way to process your feelings and gain clarity about the situation.
Consider the Future: Remember, high school is just one chapter of your life. Focus on building a bright future for yourself, filled with positive relationships and experiences.
Ultimately, the best “revenge” is living well and being happy despite how others treat you. It might feel satisfying in the short term to plot revenge, but in the end, it often leads to further conflict and negativity. Instead, choose to rise above and thrive in your own life.