I could use some guidance with a girl I’m interested in.
Quick note before you read on: I’m not looking to make her like me romantically; I want to build a genuine connection, even if it just turns out to be friendship.
So, I’m 14 and in middle school (I know this is a high school subreddit), and there’s this amazing girl in my class who I really like—she’s an absolute 10/10 in my eyes. We seem to have a lot in common; we enjoy the same music and games, share a love for Stranger Things, and vibe well together.
The issue is that I might have been a bit too eager in trying to talk to her, which made things awkward. I tried some techniques I found online, like the love letter method and acting like she likes me. Unfortunately, didn’t yield the results I hoped for. I think my enthusiasm has made her pretty unresponsive, which makes it tough to connect.
To anyone reading this, please skip the “let her go” advice. I get it, really, but this isn’t just another crush for me—I’m talking about someone I feel has a strong connection with me. Plus, I want to enjoy my middle school experience!
I’m in a bit of a bind. I’ve read that I shouldn’t give her too much attention and should act indifferent to have her like me. However, since we share classes, if I don’t interact with her at all, I doubt she’ll even think about liking me. But when I try to talk, it feels forced.
I’m looking for advice on how to build a friendship with her and get closer.
What confuses me is that there’s another girl in my grade who likes me and pursues me, but I don’t like her back. Even if I try to see things from her perspective, I can’t find a way for her to gain my interest. It seems counterintuitive; if she stops paying attention to me, I won’t suddenly like her more—I’d just stop engaging entirely.
With that in mind, I’m seeking ways to connect with the girl I like—or at least create a stronger bond.
I don’t think I’m out of her league; I get good vibes from her and we share common interests. So, it might be that my eagerness is pushing her away. I know from my experience with the other girl that if I stop trying, it won’t change my feelings; I just won’t talk to her anymore.
One more thing unrelated to my crush: if there are any girls reading this, I’m trying to understand how to navigate these situations. Some say to act like a girl is into me, but I’m worried that might come across as cocky or arrogant. For example, suggesting “I know you like me” seems like a recipe for disaster. But at the same time, I know being overly nice could make me seem like just another guy who has a crush on her and not stand out.
Just to clarify, I’m seeing some positive signs—I’m in her close friends list, and while we don’t chat often, we do interact during group activities like walks or games, and she’s been a bit more responsive lately than before, though still somewhat distant.
Anyway, I appreciate you letting me share my thoughts. Any advice on how to win her over or simply connect better would be greatly appreciated!
It sounds like you’re really putting a lot of thought into this and trying to navigate some tricky social dynamics! Here are some tips to help build a genuine connection with her, keeping in mind that you’re not trying to force anything, just get to know her better as a friend:
Focus on Being Genuine: Instead of trying to use tactics or methods you’ve read about, focus on being yourself. It’s important to show genuine interest in her as a person, rather than as a potential girlfriend. Ask her questions about her interests, share your thoughts on those interests, and create a back-and-forth conversation.
Take a Step Back: Since you mentioned that chasing her might have led to her being dry, try to dial back the intensity a bit. Allow space for her to reach out to you too. If you’re not always seeking her attention, she might appreciate the change and feel more comfortable engaging with you.
Find Common Ground: Since you both like the same music and shows, use that as a starting point. Mention a new song or episode of Stranger Things you enjoyed, and ask her what she thinks. This can create an easy way to connect.
Be Part of the Group: Since you mentioned you hang out in groups, try to make those interactions more fun. Engage in group activities where she’s present, and gradually include her in conversations. This can be a low-pressure way to interact and get to know her.
Use Humor and Lightheartedness: Humor can be a great way to break the ice. If you can make her laugh, it can create a more relaxed atmosphere. Just keep it light and friendly, and avoid anything that might come off as too serious or flirtatious right away.
Be Patient: Building a connection takes time. Keep showing up and being friendly, and let the friendship develop naturally. It’s great that you’re open to just being friends — sometimes, that’s how the best relationships start!
Respect Her Signals: Pay attention to her responses and body language. If she seems interested and engaging, that’s a good sign! If she continues to be dry or unresponsive, it might be a sign to ease off a little and give her space.
Be Kind and Respectful: This should go without saying, but being kind is always the right approach. Treat her (and everyone) with respect, and don’t feel pressured to fit into any molds.
Finally, remember that not all connections lead to romantic relationships, and that’s perfectly okay! Sometimes, the best friendships can turn into something more down the line. Just enjoy the journey of getting to know her! Good luck!