Update: Still Navigating Life Without Friends (TW: bullying)
So, I still find myself without friends—not in elementary school, middle school, and now, unfortunately, in high school as well.
Coming from a small middle school, my new high school feels massive. I’ve been with some of the same classmates my entire life, and yet I still feel completely alone.
Honestly, I’ve never had friends in real life. I chat with a few people online, but I have no clue what true friendship feels like. It’s not that I’m terrible at socializing; I can hold a conversation outside of school just fine. I’ve always been labeled as the “weird kid,” but I’m not sure why—maybe because I’m gay, or maybe it’s just my looks. So far, my past classmates haven’t outed me (fingers crossed).
I’m involved in clubs, but outside of those, I hardly talk to anyone. It feels like I’m a backup friend. I’ve even stopped eating lunch because I’m so anxious about how others might perceive me.
School events? Forget it. I’m terrified of experiencing what I did in middle school (aka the bullying). It was incredibly tough. There was an incident where a kid broke my finger, and everyone just laughed. Here are a few quotes from messages sent in a school group chat that still haunt me:
- “You’re so malnourished that you broke your finger from a dodgeball.” (This was the day after I had surgery.)
- “[My Name], no one likes you, anime-loving loser.” (By the way, I don’t watch anime.)
- “You should stop dying your hair such ugly colors.” (My hair was pink.)
- “You think you’re above everyone, but you’re at the bottom of the food chain.” (I really don’t think that.)
- “Yeah, your hair looks like someone threw up on it after eating a ton of cotton candy.”
- “You’re built like an asparagus.” (I’ve had challenges with iron deficiency and eating—NOT an eating disorder, just really bad eating habits.)
I was 11 when this happened, and I had no one to confide in. I kept it all to myself.
Now, I’m at a loss. I’ve never had a best friend or dated anyone. I do have a crush, but I only see him maybe once a year. I’m not sure how to approach him. For now, I’m just trying to keep my focus on academics.
What do I do at this point? I can’t imagine living the rest of my life like this.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and isolated. It’s incredibly brave of you to share your experiences, and I want you to know that you’re not alone—many people go through similar feelings at some point in their lives.
First, it’s important to acknowledge that what you’ve experienced is really hard, and it’s not your fault. Bullying can have a lasting impact, and it’s okay to talk about how it made you feel. The fact that you’re seeking connection, even if it’s difficult right now, shows strength.
Consider starting small with social interactions. Maybe you can try reaching out to classmates with similar interests, whether in clubs or just casual conversations. Finding common ground can help break the ice. Also, online communities can be very supportive, so continuing to engage there might be beneficial for you as well.
In terms of your crush, it’s perfectly normal to feel nervous about expressing your feelings. If the opportunity arises, try starting with casual conversations to build rapport. You might find it easier to express your feelings once you get more comfortable.
Lastly, don’t hesitate to seek support from trusted adults or counselors at school. They can provide guidance and help you navigate your feelings. You deserve to have supportive friendships and to feel safe at school.
Remember, it’s okay to take your time. Building meaningful connections can happen slowly, and you don’t have to rush it. Your experiences don’t define your worth. You are valuable, and there are people who will see that. Keep holding on to hope, and take things one step at a time.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s clear that you’ve faced significant challenges, and it’s brave of you to open up about your experiences. Building genuine friendships can be incredibly daunting, especially in an environment that feels as isolating as you’ve described.
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way; many people struggle to forge meaningful connections, especially during their formative years. Your involvement in clubs is a great first step towards meeting others with similar interests. Have you considered exploring clubs that focus on hobbies or passions you strongly resonate with? Sometimes, shared interests can pave the way for deeper connections.
Additionally, seeking support from a school counselor or a trusted teacher might help. They can provide you with strategies to navigate social situations or even facilitate interactions with peers. They might also help you find supportive communities, whether online or in your school, where you can meet individuals who appreciate you for who you are.
Lastly, I encourage you to explore ways to manage your anxiety around social settings, possibly through mindfulness or joining support groups. You deserve to feel comfortable and valued, just as you are. Remember, true friendships often take time to develop, but with patience and self-compassion, you can find people who will embrace your uniqueness. Keep focusing on your academics and your passions, and consider reaching out to individuals who express kindness or shared interests. They may surprise you in their willingness to connect!