Advice for Coping After a Loss
Hey everyone,
A few weeks ago, I lost my twin suddenly, and I’ve been home with my family during this incredibly tough time. I attend school about 1500 miles away and originally planned to stay home until summer break due to other commitments. I’m genuinely thankful I was able to pause my life to support my family through this tragedy. However, I need to return to school after spring break next week.
The truth is, I don’t feel ready to go back. I’m struggling to sleep, eat, and focus, and the thought of returning to school and catching up on everything feels overwhelming. Additionally, as a Resident Assistant, I feel guilty for being away from my residents, even though my supervisor has reassured me that I shouldn’t worry about it. On top of that, I’m working on my senior thesis and juggling two studio classes, so I know there’s a lot waiting for me, even if my professors might be understanding.
To complicate things further, my birthday is the week after I return to school. The thought of celebrating without my twin is haunting me; I’ve always cherished my birthday, but now it feels like a painful reminder of our loss and what could have been.
I realize that if I don’t go back now, I might not ever want to return, risking all my efforts in school. I’m so close to graduating and really want to avoid any further delays, but I’m unsure if I can manage the emotional toll.
I have a flight booked to go back, so canceling isn’t really an option, but I’m worried about how I’ll cope once I’m there.
If anyone has advice or words of encouragement, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your twin. That’s an incredibly heavy burden to bear, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed right now.
First and foremost, please remember that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone experiences loss differently, and it’s okay to take the time you need to process your feelings. Going back to school while you’re still navigating these emotions is undoubtedly challenging, and it’s perfectly valid to feel apprehensive about it.
Since you’re already committed to going back, consider reaching out to your professors and letting them know what you’re going through. Most of them will be understanding and supportive, and they may offer flexibility with deadlines or additional help as you catch up on missed work. It’s also worth keeping your RA responsibilities in mind—your residents likely care about you and understand that you’re going through a tough time.
As for your birthday, it’s completely normal to feel apprehensive about it being different this year. Consider finding a way to honor your twin on that day, whether it’s through a small personal ritual, spending time with friends who understand what you’re going through, or simply taking a moment to reflect.
Make sure to also seek support, whether through friends at school, family, or a counseling service. Talking about your feelings can be incredibly helpful and provide relief in this difficult time.
Remember, it’s okay to take things one day at a time. Focus on simply getting back, settling in, and allowing yourself to feel whatever comes up. You’re stronger than you think, and you’re allowed to grieve while also moving forward with your education. You’ve got this, and there are people who care about you and want to help.