Am I the Problem, or Was This Indirect Bullying?
This happened a few years ago, but I still find myself questioning it.
During my senior year of high school, I served as the class monitor, and naturally, there was someone else assisting me—let’s call them “X.”
In our school, each graduating class had a full year to prepare a performance for the teachers. At the beginning of the year, I encouraged my classmates to brainstorm ideas, and things were going well until X intervened. They, along with a small group, decided to develop their own version of the performance without involving the rest of us. I heard about it from a friend and confronted X, saying, “If you want to share ideas, that’s fine, but we should include the whole class instead of keeping discussions private. It isn’t fair.”
X reacted explosively, sending a lengthy message accusing us of not making any progress and stating they didn’t care as long as the class didn’t end up embarrassed. I was caught off guard and started apologizing, trying to justify my stance. Despite my concerns, X presented their idea to the class and put it to a vote—“yes or no.” Unsurprisingly, most people didn’t feel comfortable opposing someone they perceived as more powerful, so we ended up going with X’s idea.
In the grand scheme, it was just a performance, right? We should be working together to put on a great show.
Wrong.
I don’t know when it started, but gradually, I found myself increasingly isolated during discussions. Eventually, I became an outcast in my own class. Going to school felt pointless since I was always alone and overlooked.
There was a moment when the class wanted to take a photo, and I chose to step out and go to the bathroom, not wanting to be part of it anyway. However, they waited for me—not out of concern, but because the teacher insisted they do so.
The following months were incredibly tough for me. I often found myself eating lunch by myself, no one wanted to partner with me for group work, and I felt utterly alone. My mental health deteriorated to the point where I started skipping school regularly.
But honestly, if I could go back and do it all over again, I would make the same choices because it taught me a hard truth: people often rally behind those who seem more powerful to protect themselves, even when it’s unjust.
I’m sharing this to see what others think about what happened. Was this indirect bullying, or was I misinterpreting the situation?
It sounds like you went through a really challenging and painful experience. What you described does resemble indirect bullying, as it involves exclusion, manipulation, and an abuse of social power dynamics. It’s not uncommon for groups to rally around someone who takes charge, even when their approach or behavior isn’t fair to others.
You weren’t the problem; you stood up for what you believed was right by advocating for inclusivity in planning the class performance. It’s understandable to feel hurt and confused by the way your peers responded, especially when you were trying to foster teamwork. Unfortunately, it often happens that those who are more assertive or dominant can overshadow others, leading to isolation and conflict.
What you experienced is a tough lesson in social dynamics, but it can also empower you to recognize and address similar situations in the future. You showed integrity by prioritizing your class’s collective success over individual ambition, and that is commendable. It’s important to remember that your worth and voice matter, regardless of how others respond.
If you ever find yourself reflecting on this experience, try to focus on the growth and resilience you’ve gained from it. It’s natural to seek validation about whether your feelings were justified; they absolutely were. Engaging in discussions like this can help you process your emotions and connect with others who might have had similar experiences.