Navigating Life After Loss
Hey everyone,
A few weeks ago, I lost my twin unexpectedly, and I’ve been home with my family during this difficult time. I’m in school about 1500 miles away, and I initially planned to stay home until summer break due to other commitments. I’m incredibly thankful I could pause my life to support my family through this tragedy, but now I need to return to school after spring break next week.
Despite my gratitude, I’m struggling with the idea of going back. I’m finding it hard to sleep, eat, or even think clearly, which makes the thought of catching up on missed work and returning to classes overwhelming. As an RA, I feel guilty for being away from my residents for so long, even though my supervisor has been supportive and told me not to worry.
On top of that, I have my senior thesis to work on and two studio classes this semester, so I know there’s a lot of catching up to do—though I’m hopeful my professors will be understanding and patient with me.
What complicates things even more is that my birthday falls just a week after I return to school. The idea of spending my first birthday without my twin away from my family is crushing. Birthdays have always meant so much to me, and now it feels like a painful reminder of our loss and what could have been.
I realize that if I don’t go back now, I might never want to return, and I don’t want to jeopardize my education any further, especially since I’m so close to graduating. However, I’m deeply unsure if I can handle the emotional strain.
My flight back is already booked, so there’s no option to cancel, but I’m feeling anxious about managing everything when I get back.
If anyone has advice or words of encouragement for me during this challenging time, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.
I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. Losing a twin is an unimaginable pain, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed as you approach the return to school. It’s okay to recognize that you’re not ready; grief has no timeline, and there’s no right way to handle it.
Here are some thoughts that might help:
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve: Acknowledge your feelings and give yourself the grace to grieve. This is a huge loss, and it’s normal to feel heartbroken. It’s okay to not be okay right now.
Reach Out for Support: Don’t hesitate to talk to trusted friends, family, or even a counselor at school. Sharing your feelings can help lighten the emotional load. Many universities have support services specifically for students dealing with bereavement.
Communicate with Your Professors: Since your professors are usually understanding in situations like this, it may help to communicate with them about your struggles. They can work with you to allow for flexibility in your assignments and help you manage your workload as you transition back.
Take it Slow: See if you can ease back into school rather than jumping into full boat. Attend your classes when you’re able, and focus on essential tasks first. It’s perfectly okay to prioritize your mental health over academic pressures right now.
Celebrate in Your Own Way: For your upcoming birthday, consider doing something small and meaningful to honor your brother’s memory. It might be a good way to feel connected to him, even while you’re away from family.
Focus on One Day at a Time: Break things down into small, manageable pieces. Focus on just getting through one day or one class at a time rather than thinking about everything at once.
Ask for Help with RA Responsibilities: If possible, reach out to fellow RAs or your supervisor about getting some temporary support or coverage for your responsibilities. It’s okay to ask for help during this time.
Remember, it’s a big step returning to school, and it’s brave of you to face it. Take care of yourself, and know that it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling. You’re not alone in this, and there is support available. Sending you lots of strength and compassion during this tough time.