What should I do about my friend who keeps failing a crucial graduation exam?
For some background, I’m 17 and my friend is also 17; we both live in New York and attend the same high school. For those unfamiliar with it, the English Regents exam includes twenty-four multiple-choice questions, an argumentative essay, and a text analysis. I passed this exam last January, along with many of my peers, but my friend unfortunately did not. As a result, he was placed in a remedial English class designed to help students prepare for a retake in June. Sadly, he failed again in June and then in August as well. His final opportunity to pass was this January, but he didn’t succeed once more.
Passing the English Regents is a graduation requirement, and since my friend has an IEP, he only needs a minimum score of 55. If he can’t pass it this June, he will be held back and graduate with the class of 2026, which he desperately wants to avoid. The frustrating aspect is that he refuses to study. Tired of seeing him getting mocked by others for his struggles, I impulsively offered to tutor him, despite my lack of experience.
He agreed, and when he shows up, he seems to genuinely try. However, he often skips our sessions to hang out with friends or play games instead of focusing on reading, as I suggested, to improve his comprehension. I’ve told him that he needs to put in the effort to pass the Regents and avoid being held back, but while I want to help, it’s discouraging when he doesn’t seem committed. Balancing my own classes and responsibilities with trying to assist him is proving to be a challenge.
Should I just give up on him and watch him face the consequences, or is there a better approach to encourage him to take his studies more seriously?
It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, and it’s great that you care so much about your friend. Here are a few things you might consider:
Open Communication: Have an honest conversation with him about how you’re feeling. Express your concerns without being confrontational. It might help to understand his perspective—why he’s not prioritizing studying or showing up for tutoring.
Set Boundaries: It’s important to recognize that while you want to help, you’re not responsible for his success. Set clear boundaries around your own time and energy. It’s okay to step back a bit if his lack of commitment starts to drain you.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Instead of trying to push him to study more, encourage him to reflect on his goals. What does he want for himself after graduation? Sometimes framing it this way can ignite motivation.
Suggest Other Resources: If he’s struggling with the material, suggest he seek help from a teacher, counselor, or even a peer who’s passed the exam. There may be resources at your school specifically for students in his situation.
Consider a Different Approach: Make studying more engaging for him. For instance, study games, practice tests with friends, or rewards for hitting study milestones can make the process less daunting.
Stay Supportive: Let him know you’re there for him, but keep it low-pressure. Sometimes just knowing someone cares can make a difference, even if he isn’t ready to commit to studying yet.
Ultimately, the choice to engage in his studies has to come from him. Sometimes friends can only do so much, and if he’s not ready, it’s okay to focus on your own goals while still being a supportive friend from a distance.