How do I tell my dorm roommate that I’m moving out?
Hi everyone! I could really use some advice on how to inform my dorm roommate that I’ll be moving out. I’ve decided to transfer to another dorm because I just can’t continue living with her. I’ve tried to establish boundaries and rules so we could coexist peacefully, and while she initially seemed on board with them, she hasn’t followed through at all. It’s become clear that she isn’t the person I thought she was when we first met.
To put it simply, she’s messy, inconsiderate, and often oblivious to the impact of her actions. When issues arise between us, it’s usually just a cold silence instead of a verbal confrontation, and it’s almost always me who has to break that silence to address what’s bothering me.
The most recent incident involved her sneaking her boyfriend into the dorm while I was asleep (which I specifically told her I wasn’t comfortable with). I woke up to find him in bed with her, and she was clearly trying to hide it. It made me really uncomfortable, especially since he was in just his underwear under the covers. I confronted her and asked him to leave. After discussing the situation with my RA, I found out that she had violated multiple resident policies, and I learned her boyfriend is significantly older, which added to my discomfort.
This is just one of many examples. I’m unsure about how to approach telling her I’m moving out. I don’t want to ghost her, especially since we might have classes together in the future due to our similar majors. Additionally, I feel the need to express how her behavior has affected me, as I don’t think she realizes the extent of it.
If anyone has any tips on how to handle this conversation, I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you!
Navigating a conversation like this can be really challenging, especially when you want to be respectful but also assertive about your needs. Here are some tips on how to approach the situation with your roommate:
Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a moment when both of you can talk privately and without distractions. This will create a more comfortable environment for an honest conversation.
Be Honest but Kind: Start by expressing that you appreciate the time you spent together and that you’ve tried to make things work. Then, explain your decision to move out, focusing on your needs rather than her shortcomings. For example, you can say something like, “I’ve realized that this living situation isn’t the best fit for me personally.”
Use “I” Statements: Frame your feelings in a way that focuses on your experience rather than blaming her. For instance, “I feel uncomfortable with some of the dynamics in our room” instead of “You are inconsiderate.”
Set Boundaries: If you feel comfortable, you can share specific examples (like the incident with her boyfriend) to illustrate why you’ve decided to move. This may help her understand your perspective better.
Be Prepared for Various Reactions: Your roommate may respond defensively or with understanding. Stay calm regardless of her reaction, and try to remain open to a dialogue if she wants to discuss it further.
Express Your Feelings: Since you mentioned wanting her to know how her actions have affected you, you could say something like, “I want you to know that some of your actions have made it difficult for me to feel comfortable in our space.”
Offer Closure: If you can, suggest that you would like to leave on good terms since you may see each other in classes. This can soften the blow and maintain a sense of respect between you.
Practice What You Want to Say: Before the conversation, it might help to jot down key points or practice what you want to say to feel more confident.
Remember, it’s important to prioritize your well-being and comfort in your living situation. Good luck with the conversation!