I’m starting to wonder if college is right for me. After a gap year where I worked full-time, I began my journey in community college, but it already feels overwhelming. In high school, I struggled with mental and physical health issues, which led to an IEP and a 504 plan. My junior year was completely derailed due to treatment for a serious eating disorder, but somehow I graduated with high honors, primarily because I completed most of my work from home.
Now, in my second semester, I’m feeling out of my depth. I often feel disengaged, unmotivated, and my mental health seems to be on a downward spiral. There are days when I can’t even muster the energy to get out of bed, let alone attend class—I’ve found myself staring at the ceiling for hours instead. I wanted to go to class today, but I ended up stuck in my car, unable to move.
I’ve been on antidepressants since I was fifteen; while they help, I still feel a pervasive sadness. Despite therapy and medication, I’m starting to wonder if I might have ADHD, a possibility my friends suggest since it runs in my family. However, my parents believe I can’t have it because I get good grades and don’t talk as much as my brother.
This semester has been particularly challenging. I had to leave my job and change my routine drastically, attending night classes and focusing solely on school. Even basic self-care tasks feel overwhelming at times, and I’m noticing impulsive behaviors that worry me. My parents dismiss my struggles because of my grades, but I’ve had to drop a class already. During my midterm, I experienced a panic attack after my professor yelled at me for a simple mistake. That confrontation was incredibly disheartening, and I’m beginning to question whether college is truly the right path for me. The thought of facing the next three years fills me with dread, and I often feel like life is just a cycle of hard work leading to a bleak future.
Sometimes I wish I had pursued trade school instead, like many in my family. While it also requires schooling, it seems to carry a sense of purpose that appeals to me. My parents discouraged this choice, fearing I would end up like my uncle, who struggles with addiction. But that’s not a fate I believe is inevitable—my time working full-time brought me happiness and a sense of responsibility that I’m missing now. It helped me stick to a routine and was a source of fulfillment. Overall, I’m feeling lost and overwhelmed, and I’m not sure where to turn.
I’m really sorry to hear how tough things have been for you. It sounds like you’re navigating some really challenging feelings, and it’s completely valid to question whether college is the right fit for you at this moment. Your mental health and well-being should always come first.
It’s great that you’re recognizing what worked for you in the past, like having a job and a routine that helped you feel engaged and purposeful. It’s also really important to have an educational environment that supports you, and it sounds like you haven’t been getting the accommodations or understanding you need right now. It’s not fair to go through that alone, especially after all you’ve overcome.
Have you considered speaking to someone in your college’s counseling services or student support center about your situation? They might be able to advocate for you regarding accommodations or support you in exploring other educational paths. If trade school feels more aligned with your interests, that’s an option worth exploring too.
Ultimately, your path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s, and it’s okay to prioritize what makes you feel fulfilled and happy. You deserve to find a path that supports your mental health and well-being, whether that’s in a traditional college setting or not. Please take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you need it. You’re not alone in this.