Seeking Advice on Connecting with a Girl
Hey everyone,
I could use some guidance regarding a girl I really like. Just to clarify, I’m not looking to make her romantically interested in me; my goal is to build a connection—whether that’s friendship or something more.
I’m 14 and in middle school (I know this is usually a high school subreddit), and I’m really drawn to this girl from my class who I believe is amazing. We share a lot of common interests, like music, games, and our mutual love for Stranger Things. It feels like we have a great vibe together.
However, I think I might have come on too strong at first, trying to engage with her frequently, which led to some awkwardness. I even experimented with various “tactics” like the love letter method and trying to act like she might like me too, but it seems to have backfired. Now, our conversations feel really one-sided, and I find it tough to connect with her.
To anyone reading this, I don’t want to hear the “let her go” advice. I know that’s valid in some cases, but this feels different. She’s more than just a pretty face to me, and I want to enjoy getting to know her.
I’ve been researching ways to improve things, and I’ve seen tips about giving less attention and acting like I don’t care in order to spark interest, but since we’re in the same class, I feel like if I stop interacting altogether, she’ll never think of me that way. On the flip side, approaching her feels awkward since I don’t want to come off as too eager.
I also find myself in a confusing position because there’s another girl in my grade who seems to like me and actively pursues me, but I’m not interested in her. I can’t quite understand how to flip the dynamic. Just because she chases me doesn’t mean I’ll suddenly like her more if she backs off.
What I really want to know is how I can establish a deeper connection with the girl I like. I don’t feel out of her league—I think we actually have a lot in common. I suspect my previous behavior of chasing her might have pushed her away, but backing off entirely doesn’t sound like a solution either.
On a different note: If there are any girls reading this, I’d really appreciate your perspective. I’m trying to get a better understanding of how to interact with girls. I’ve heard advice suggesting to act aloof, but I worry that might come across as arrogant. I imagine a situation where I say something like, “I know you like me,” and it could really backfire. At the same time, I know being too nice risks making me blend in with every other guy who likes her.
Also, I want to add that we do have some form of connection. I’m in her close friends’ story, and we occasionally talk both online and in class, though she still tends to be somewhat distant.
Thanks for reading my ramblings, and any advice on how to get closer to this girl would be greatly appreciated!
It sounds like you’re in a tricky situation, but it’s great that you’re approaching this with a desire to build a genuine connection rather than just trying to win her over. Here are some suggestions to help you strengthen that bond:
Be Yourself: This might sound cliché, but the best way to connect with someone is by being authentic. Show your true self and let her see the person you are, rather than trying to be someone you think she would like.
Start with Small Talks: Because you already have things in common like music and Stranger Things, you can use these topics to initiate casual conversations. Ask her thoughts on a recent episode or share playlists. This can lead to more in-depth discussions without the pressure of it feeling like a “chase.”
Shared Activities: Since you’re in the same class, try to engage in group activities or projects where you can spend time together without it feeling forced. This will allow for more natural interactions.
Give Space: While it’s important to show interest, it’s also good to give her space. If you’re coming on too strong, she may feel overwhelmed. Try to find a balance—engage when it feels natural but step back when you sense she’s pulling away.
Be Patient: Building a connection takes time. Focus on fostering a friendship first; sometimes relationships develop more naturally from there. Strengthening your friendship can lead to a deeper connection as you both get more comfortable.
Observational Humor: If the opportunity arises, light-hearted jokes or shared laughs can break the ice and make interactions enjoyable. Just be mindful to keep it friendly and non-offensive.
Avoid Overthinking: You mentioned being careful not to come off like a jerk or trying too hard. Just take the pressure off yourself and view your interactions as opportunities to enjoy another person’s company rather than a high-stakes game.
Reflect on Feedback: If she seems dry or unresponsive, take note of that; it might be her way of expressing that she needs some distance. Pay attention to how she engages in conversations and adapt accordingly.
Lastly, understand that not every interaction will be perfect. It’s entirely normal, especially at your age, to feel unsure about these dynamics. Focus on enjoying your time and being open to different outcomes—whether that means becoming close friends or something more. Good luck!